A Confederacy of Dunces

Several years ago, John Kennedy Toole wrote a novel called A Confederacy of Dunces. Although the book scored well with readers and critics, I didn’t care for it. But I did like the title and I think it’s an appropriate way to describe the crowd at the Charlotte convention.

For openers, we had a mutiny on the floor of the Democratic convention when thousands of left-wing airheads showed their contempt for both God and Israel. I mean, this is the sort of thing you might expect at a conclave of the Flat Earth Society or a Ron Paul reunion, but not when a major party is nominating an incumbent president.

Speaking of Dr. Paul, I understand that a number of his deluded followers intend to write in his name on the November ballot. Normally, the realization that if they go through with that childish threat, it will help to re-elect Obama, would have me pulling the last few hairs out of my head. But in this case, I draw comfort from the realization that most of these chowderheads don’t know how to spell “Ron Paul”.

But they’re not alone. There is also a faction threatening to vote for the former governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson, who is the Libertarian nominee for president. Having seen him speak, I know Gov. Johnson is a congenial sort of fellow. If he were running in a two-man race against Barack Obama, I would definitely vote for him. But then again, in a two man race between Barack Obama and a sack of potatoes, I would vote for the spuds.

I know that Libertarians belong to a group that look at the two major parties and see only Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, but surely after four years of Obama, you would think that basic survival skills would kick in and they would put their feelings of moral superiority aside this once and vote for Romney and Ryan. After all, it’s not just everyone else’s freedoms and financial security that Obama, Pelosi and Reid, have confiscated.

Unfortunately, when it comes to the folks who populate third and fourth parties, the only real difference between them and lemmings is that one group destroys their society by leaping off cliffs and the other does it at the ballot box.

It was bad enough having to listen to Bill Clinton, who dislikes Obama nearly as much as I do, droning on for almost an hour showering praise on His Fatuousness. After all, who would expect anything else from the grand old man of his Party? The Democrats, after all, always have a soft spot for guys like Ted Kennedy, whose greatest claim to fame is that he committed manslaughter and instead of winding up in jail wound up in the Senate. So, naturally, they share similarly warm feelings for Clinton, a horny toad who has a long history of raping and abusing females.

And the Democrats have the gall to suggest that it’s gents like Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan who are waging a war on women!

But, then, the Democrats also believe that shutting down the oil and coal industries, while sinking billions of tax dollars in outfits like Solyndra and Ener1, constitutes an energy policy.

The other day, I filled up my gas tank. It cost me $4.36-a-gallon. Believe me, it wasn’t Exxon or Mobil I was cursing out. After all, I knew that their profit margin was only six cents per gallon, and they were the guys who had found the stuff, drilled for it, refined it and managed to get it to the pump. It was solely because of state and federal taxes that I was paying half-a-dollar-a-gallon over the national average, and I wasn’t even paying for supreme.

Of course whenever it’s suggested by Republicans that we take advantage of our natural resources by drilling in Alaska, off-shore and on federal lands, or by opening Canada’s Keystone pipeline, the Democrats pooh-pooh the very notion, inevitably telling us that it would take a decade to make us energy-independent. As I recall, this silly argument was first made by Clinton in the mid-90s, well over a decade ago.

On the other hand, when Obama claims, without the slightest bit of evidence, that his policies will cut our national debt by four trillion dollars, he’s not talking about next year; he’s talking about doing it by 2020! If Einstein hadn’t stumbled on his theory first, by now the Democrats would have proven that if time is anything, it’s relative.

Another fact of life is that when Clinton took credit for the Democratic presidents creating all those millions of jobs during their various administrations, he was, as usual, lying through his teeth. For instance, blaming the economic failure of 2008 on George W. Bush is as silly as crediting Clinton with the financial boom of the 90s.

In Clinton’s case, it was the fact that Gingrich and the 1994 Republican Congress reined in him and Hillary that turned around the economy. It was exactly the opposite experience that Bush experienced when the Democrats took control of Congress in 2007, and Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, in collusion with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, destroyed the housing market and brought on the crash that left the economy in shambles and Barack Hussein Obama in the White House.

Speaking of the economy, if nothing else the fact that we have an unemployment rate over 8%, an underemployment rate of 8%, and a national deficit over $16 trillion, should once and for all prove that using the Stock Market as a gauge of our nation’s economy is screwier than basing it on tea leaf readings or Tarot cards. If you measured Obama’s economic record by the NY Stock Exchange, you would think that he’d done more for the economy than Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and pornography, put together.

But, then, if you only listened to the analysis of Bill Clinton’s address in Charlotte by Chris Wallace and Brit Hume, you would have thought they were a couple of teenage girls critiquing Justin Bieber’s latest album. While the rest of us Republicans were counting up Clinton’s preposterous lies and partisan exaggerations, those two schmucks were swooning on Fox.

Things got so absurd, I actually found myself wondering: “Where are those two honest guys, Bob Beckel and Alan Colmes, when you really need them?

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Truth2012

    This article is ridiculous and ignorant on so many levels.  However I just wanted to comment on the Ron Paul comments that the author ignorantly makes.  Voting for Romney or Obama is voting for more of what is destroying our country.  There is literally no difference between the two.  Anyone can see this unless they are deluded by the relentless propaganda like this that the US media continues to perpetuate upon our society.  Ron Paul is the only candidate willing to stand up for the people and actually try and make some changes that would help the people.  Romney and Obama are both for more aggressive wars.  Romney and Obama are both for bank bailouts and the continuation of the FED (which has put us in the dire economic situation we are currently in).  Romney and Obama are both for attacking our constitutional rights and freedoms (ie – NDAA which Obama is fighting for and Romney said he supports).  The only real “lemming” here is this author and anyone who would agree with him.  Its delusional individuals like this that are helping move our country to and eventually over the cliff. 

    And as far as the author’s energy comments are concerned, he is wrong yet again.  What is our #1 export? – Oil!  If we just stopped exporting our own oil, we would have more to sell here and would not have to import as much.  That would obviously affect the price.  And most importantly, the gas prices are increasing due to inflation.  Inflation caused by the FED.  The FED that both Romney and Obama support.  And who do you think puts all the taxes and regulations you are paying in place?  The oil executives that are placed in positions of power in the EPA, Dept of energy etc by Bush and Obama.  So you should be angry at Exxon-Mobile.  I think this author should do a little more research before writing absurd articles such as this. 

  • brendan horn

    Burt, excellent comments about Clinton. I almost watched his speech until I realized how dull he was as a speaker when he was president. He could talk for about an hour and a half about nothing in particular. The weird thing was that after his dull speeches it seemed like everyone had been brainwashed into believing they had listened to something as eloquent as the Gettysburg address. Clinton’s main talent was in brainwashing large percentages of women into believing he was a champion for women, even though he had been accused of raping women. One might say that Clinton has a rapists wit.

  • cmacrider

    Burt:  Your comments respecting Ron Paul supporters threatening not to support Romney should be seriously considered by libertarians.  Firstly, it is difficult to classify the choice between Romney & Obama as a  tweedledee / tweedledum scenario   Secondly, anyone who espouses libertarian thought should consider Obama a direct threat to their ultimate goals.  Thirdly, when the national debt crisis, the corruption, the ridiculous attack on the coal and oil energy industries, the decline in personal real income, and the non existent foreign policy are considered, one would think it is the time to put libertarian purity aside at least for this election.

    • BurtPrelutsky

      cma: You would think so.  But it’s not just liberals who would cut off their noses to spite America.  I’m afraid that in many cases libertarians are every bit as fanatical as jihadists.

      I can only hope that at some point Ron Paul would dissuade his followers from marching off the cliff.  It certainly wouldn’t advance Rand’s career in the GOP if his dad’s fans cost Romney the election.

      Burt

    • Wheels55

      Good comment.
      The Libertarian all-or-nothing approach could be a deal killer for Romney.  Just like Ross Perot was to George H.W. Bush, Gary Johnson could throw this election the wrong way. All at the expense of people who want to wear T-shirts that say “I didn’t vote for him”.
      History does repeat itself. And the thought that a liberal dictator could be in the White House once again scares me. Seriously, this is the first Presidential election that actually has me scared for our country.

      • BurtPrelutsky

         Wheel: You and I both.  As I’ve told people, I believe that America could probably survive even four more years of Obama.  What it can not survive is a population that would see fit to re-elect this creature.

        Burt

        • Wheels55

          We seem to have way too many – Utopia loving / I gotta have it now / you owe me – people in this country.
          My hope is that I am wrong about the younger generation – who I think are largely clueless. My parents’ generation (the greatest generation) thought my crowd was a bunch of goof balls – sadly they were not all that wrong. Yet, the Greatest Generation has a lot of people who think government owes them something and Romney is trying to take it away (at least here in South Florida). It comes down to people actually paying attention.
          I want a bumper sticker that says “If you don’t know, don”t vote”.

  • Deny916

    So far I have hear that people would vote for:  a slipper, a ham sandwich, a potted plant, and now a sack of spuds instead of voting for ohbummer.  At least all of those things have some substance and are useful. 

    As far as ted kennedy goes that murdering slimeball should have rotted in prison as long as he rotted in the senate.  He has always been a worthless POS in my opinion.

    Another stellar article too Burt!  So happy to read someone with such excellent intelligence!

    • BurtPrelutsky

      Deny:  Thank you.  So nice to be one of those prophets who is not without honor in his own land.

      Burt

  • Artlouis

    One small correction in this otherwise excellent and enjoyable column: Ted Kennedy was elected to the Senate before he committed manslaughter. 

    • BurtPrelutsky

      Art: But he kept being re-elected, which was my point.

      Burt

  • bookman65000

    Jeez, Bernie, I liked “The Confederacy of Dunces”.  I thought it was hilarious.  But, as Brother Dave Gardner once opined, “Everybody to their own kick”.

    • bookman65000

      Oops, sorry Burt.  My bad….

      • BurtPrelutsky

        Bookman: Don’t let it happen again.  As I wrote, a lot of people had good things to say about the book; I just wasn’t one of them.

        Burt

  • NS Sherlock

    Did you see the new obummah ad? The one about, you know, the black
    garbage man, you know, that picks up, you know, Mitt’s garbage, you
    know, and if it wasn’t, you know, for the guys who, you know, pick up
    trash, it would be, you know, a big health issue. Not sure who/what
    the target of this ad is, but my money is on the fact this guy probably
    makes big bucks and still doesn’t pay taxes.

    • Deny916

      Um yeah like I did just see this you know commercial.  Is that all they have????  You know it was you know pretty lame!!!!!

      • BurtPrelutsky

         NS & Deny: Like, no, I haven’t seen the ad.  But I haven’t yet turned on Fox today, so it would have had to come to me via my aluminum cap.  It seems to me, though, from what you say that the garbage man must be shirking his duties or he would have collected the bag of trash sitting in the Oval Office by now.

        Burt

        • Deny916

          THAT was a good one Burt!  There is NO WAY anyone can top that!!!!!!

        • NS Sherlock

          At first I thought it was Fat Albert, but Fat Albert could speak in whole sentences. If the garbage man (Richard Hayes) didn’t say “you know” every other word, he wouldn’t have spoken more than 5 words in a sentence. Burt, turn your “Tom Terrific” hat toward San Diego to tune in the latest ‘garbage’ from the libs. (I do agree about the trash sitting in the Oval Office!)

  • Larry B

    Burt, a slight correction:  Bill Clinton is the “Grand Dirty Old Man” of the democrat party.  Chris Wallace and Brit Hume need to have Larry Elder (KABC 790, 3PM) give them a tutorial about the history of that dishonorable excuse of a “Statesman.”

  • Hezzy53

    But, then, if you only listened to the analysis of Bill Clinton’s address in Charlotte by Chris Wallace and Brit Hume, you would have thought they were a couple of teenage girls critiquing Justin Bieber’s latest album. While the rest of us Republicans were counting up Clinton’s preposterous lies and partisan exaggerations, those two schmucks were swooning on Fox.

    Are you saying Burt, that Chris Wallace is a Republican?  I never in a million years would believe that. 

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Hezzy: I wouldn’t call Wallace a Republican, but he is a pretty good journalist.  At least he’s as likely to put a Democrat as a Republican on the hot seat.

      Burt

    • Larry B

      Chris Wallace is about as Republican as Greta Van Susteren.  Just because someone has a show on Fox News Channel is no guarantee  of having a Conservative outlook on politics and social issues.

  • Wheels55

    Alan Colmes = A.C. = Ass Clown

    • Deny916

      LOVE it Wheels!  I couldn’t agree with you more.  If this guy had one thought to rub together it would be a miracle!

      • Wheels55

        I don’t mind listening to liberal opinions when they have a reasonable basis. But Colmes is worthless because I know what he is going to say before he says it – he adds no value to any conversation I hear.

  • GlenFS

    Burt,  it’s not just time that Obama is warping with his claim of cutting $4 trillion, it’s relativity itself.  The “cut” does not mean any programs will actually be slashed to the sum of $4 trillion, only the planned increases will.  And Reagan’s approach was “voodoo”.

    • BurtPrelutsky

      Glen:  Right you are.  But, then, I have never figured out why the Democrats insist on tying spending cuts to raising taxes.  It seems to me that if you do the first, there’s no need to do the second.

      Burt

  • Bruce A.

    Is the Bill clinton who spoke in Charlotte the same one who lost his license to practice law & is now a felon?

    • BurtPrelutsky

      Bruce A:  Yes.  And Villaraigosa is the guy who was so stupid that he failed the bar exam four times…in spite of affirmative action.

      Burt

      • Larry B

        Burt, the “los angeles times” (sic) wrote another paean to affirmative action yesterday. Coming from them, I always know what to think on the subject.  Let’s hope an O’Connor-free SCOTUS, without Reagan’s biggest mistake, will come to the right decision, and send that horrible concept to hell, where it belongs!

      • Deny916

        4 times????  BWHAAAAAAAA!  How did this moron ever get elected?