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Shameless Last Words

pavlov

If there’s one positive thing that has come out of the horrific mass shooting in Connecticut, it is a renewed sense of togetherness in a more united American people. Yes, you can almost taste the togetherish unitedarity, as we stand tall to weather the malignant sociopaths of the world who dare cause us harm. Of…

Christmas Wishes

rgBackScratcher

The best Christmas I ever experienced as a child was when I was about 6 years old, when the marquee gift was a small record player. The second I noticed it, all other goodies in the vicinity became presenta non grata, and I was all over that gizmo like Michael Moore on a meatball hero….

Time For a Little Swearing

cupcakes-horses

So, anything interesting happen so far this month? Kidding. Now that Barack Obama has gotten himself another four years to show his appreciation for this country by fundamentally transforming it, I have terrible news for his most ardent fans. (Anyone remember how no president’s supporters/voters would be so sweet on him that the word “fan”…

What’s One More Annoyance?

stuffed-mailbox

In case you haven’t heard, Election Day is coming soon, and the tension and excitement are very real and omnipresent–you can cut ‘em with a knife, dunk ‘em in a vat of marinade, and burn ‘em on a skewer surrounded by peppers and mushrooms. The end of this election season can’t come soon enough for…

Liberology 101

the-riddler

More than a few conservatives are in full agreement with Winston Churchill’s “(i)f you’re not a liberal at age twenty you have no heart; if you’re not a conservative at age forty you have no brain” quote. Implied in that is something I’ll freely admit until my expiration date: I was liberal as a younger…

I Before Thee, Except After Me

quill-scroll-ink

Thirty-odd years ago, my classmates and I were knee-deep in our first lesson on creative writing, when I asked my teacher what the most difficult thing about writing was. Quoted here is his Twain-esque answer to the entire class: “The biggest challenge of creative writing depends on who’s sitting at the typewriter.” With that cute…

No Victims Were Harmed in the Making of this Column

1975-MG-Car-Photo

Here we are in late August, and the way Democrats have been conducting themselves has been absolutely shocking. I for one cannot believe, not for a fraction of a scintilla of a micronanosecond, that Obama and his henchcreatures have shown such amazing restraint. Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney was cemented as the incumbent’s enemy months ago,…

If Not Elected, I Solemnly Promise…

bf

I’m a big fan of compliments, those little social mechanisms that far too many people have seemingly sold off for parts nowadays. Some of you youngsters out there should seriously think about trying it a time or two. It can actually feel really good to make someone’s day, and don’t rule out the possibility of…