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I Before Thee, Except After Me

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Thirty-odd years ago, my classmates and I were knee-deep in our first lesson on creative writing, when I asked my teacher what the most difficult thing about writing was. Quoted here is his Twain-esque answer to the entire class: “The biggest challenge of creative writing depends on who’s sitting at the typewriter.” With that cute…

No Victims Were Harmed in the Making of this Column

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Here we are in late August, and the way Democrats have been conducting themselves has been absolutely shocking. I for one cannot believe, not for a fraction of a scintilla of a micronanosecond, that Obama and his henchcreatures have shown such amazing restraint. Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney was cemented as the incumbent’s enemy months ago,…

If Not Elected, I Solemnly Promise…

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I’m a big fan of compliments, those little social mechanisms that far too many people have seemingly sold off for parts nowadays. Some of you youngsters out there should seriously think about trying it a time or two. It can actually feel really good to make someone’s day, and don’t rule out the possibility of…

March Musings

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I was shocked, SHOCKED (merci, Claude Rains) to learn about a week ago that Pelosi prop Sandra Fluke was urged to run for office, and said she would consider doing so. Wait, there’s more. I also recently learned that breakfast cereals geared towards children are not as nutritious as the likes of Shredded Wheat and…

Pillers of a Freebie Society

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While I’m sure Nancy Pelosi’s recent puppet show starring Sandra Fluke satisfied the curiosity of many people, there are many of us wanting to dig a little deeper into the entitled psyche of young women like her, get a more complete understanding of that mindset. Fortunately, I just happen to have a transcript of a…

Big as They Come

I know I’ll be exhausted when I go to bed tonight, from carrying an extremely heavy heart since hour one. Andrew Breitbart’s sudden passage at age 43 has me feeling the same way I did when Don Coryell, former coach of the San Diego State Aztecs and the Chargers, died a couple of summers ago. Strictly on a professional level, it’s truly…

Coping Mechanism

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If it’s one thing we conservatives are known for, it’s our adorable perkiness—face it, we’re as cute as a giggling toddler in a puppy costume holding a cupcake. Long ago my worldview was planted forever firmly on the right when I saw various photos of bubbly characters like Winston Churchill, William F. Buckley, Milton Friedman,…

Interview with the Empire

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Most of us have heard the question “if you could interview anyone, living or dead, who would it be?” And I’m sure you comedians out there, if asked, would answer “the living one.” (For the love of all things holy, resist.) Since I was a teenager I’ve often thought of what it’d be like to…