Burt hopes you’ll enjoy this article, and when you’ve finished, he hopes you’ll also enjoy “Scratch a Liberal, Find a Racist.”
A New York Supreme Court judge, Milton Tingling, as you may have heard, has overruled Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s ban of large drinks, calling it “arbitrary and capricious,” which is legal-speak for dopey and asinine. For his part, Bloomberg announced he will appeal the ruling, which is Bloomberg-speak for “How dare he! Doesn’t he know who I am?!”
In case anyone is curious, the most obvious reason that the only dwarf to run a major city is so up in arms over sugar, salt, soda sizes and Styrofoam, is because it serves to distract voters from the recent study that showed that 80% of New York City’s high school graduates can’t read. After all, if you were a left-wing mayor, wouldn’t you rather take on soda containers and packing material instead of the teacher’s union that made you what you are today? And, no, I am not referring to the Laughing Stock of America.
The problem is that Bloomberg is not the exception to the rule. On the contrary, he is a perfect example of a liberal politician. For instance, when academics on the Left speak so glowingly about diversity, they are merely referring to pigmentation, never to a diversity of ideas, values and opinions. So it is that when Bloomberg goes to war over obesity, the only fat that concerns him is that which accumulates in bellies and on hips, never the stuff that liberals collect between their ears.
That’s not to say that we on the Right don’t have our own collection of fatheads. Just a few months ago, we lost a couple of Senate seats because our candidates decided that if Bill Clinton could get away with parsing the meaning of “is” and “sex,” they could do it with “rape.” And, unfortunately, they were both Tea Party candidates. To me, it suggests that in the future, along with checking out how potential candidates feel about same-sex marriages, taxes and abortions, someone should also spend a few minutes making sure they’re not morons.
When Rand Paul waged his filibuster in order to get Attorney General Holder to admit that Obama didn’t have the legal authority to use drones to kill Americans on American soil, I thought it would have been better if he had employed a filibuster against Chuck Hagel in order to get to the bottom of the Benghazi scandal. But that’s a far cry from John McCain and Lindsey Graham labeling Sen. Paul a wacko.
Although it may just be a rumor, it’s been said that the Roman despot Caligula once thought so highly of his horse, Incitatus, he made him a senator. More likely, it showed what he thought of the Roman Senate. Whatever the case, it’s a tradition that’s come down through the centuries. The only difference is that whereas Caligula may have appointed one horse, we now elect dozens.
According to Breitbart News, Mark Kelly, gun control zealot and husband of ex-Rep. Gaby Giffords, reportedly purchased an AR-15 and a 1911-style automatic pistol at a gun show in Tucson, Arizona. Allegedly, he did it in order to illustrate the need for more stringent gun laws. It’s reported that he also purchased high capacity magazines.
To me, that sounds like a minister caught going into a brothel and explaining he was only doing it to make certain the laws against prostitution were being enforced. After all, if Kelly didn’t already have enough proof that the current gun laws weren’t strict enough to suit him, why would he and his wife have jumped the gun, as it were, and created yet another anti-Second Amendment organization?
In the meantime, there’s been no word that Kelly has beaten his guns into plowshares or even turned them into the cops in exchange for concert tickets.
Finally, Sports Illustrated published a list of the 50 Most Powerful People in Sports. Logically topping the list were NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and David Stern, the commissioner of the NBA. But lurking in 44th place was Barack Obama. In defending their selection, the editors mentioned Obama’s annual NCAA basketball tournament picks, which would have been enough to put him in a tie for 37,845,928th place on the SI list. They concluded their butt-kissing exercise with “and the 51-year-old can shoot the J. ”In Sports Illustrated-speak, that’s a reference to the jump shot.
From my perspective, what the Prevaricator-in-Chief shoots far more consistently is the S.
Copyright © 2013 BernardGoldberg.com