Bloom(berg)ing Idiots

Burt hopes you’ll enjoy this article, and when you’ve finished, he hopes you’ll also enjoy “Scratch a Liberal, Find a Racist.”

A New York Supreme Court judge, Milton Tingling, as you may have heard, has overruled Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s ban of large drinks, calling it “arbitrary and capricious,” which is legal-speak for dopey and asinine. For his part, Bloomberg announced he will appeal the ruling, which is Bloomberg-speak for “How dare he! Doesn’t he know who I am?!”

In case anyone is curious, the most obvious reason that the only dwarf to run a major city is so up in arms over sugar, salt, soda sizes and Styrofoam, is because it serves to distract voters from the recent study that showed that 80% of New York City’s high school graduates can’t read. After all, if you were a left-wing mayor, wouldn’t you rather take on soda containers and packing material instead of the teacher’s union that made you what you are today? And, no, I am not referring to the Laughing Stock of America.

The problem is that Bloomberg is not the exception to the rule. On the contrary, he is a perfect example of a liberal politician. For instance, when academics on the Left speak so glowingly about diversity, they are merely referring to pigmentation, never to a diversity of ideas, values and opinions. So it is that when Bloomberg goes to war over obesity, the only fat that concerns him is that which accumulates in bellies and on hips, never the stuff that liberals collect between their ears.

That’s not to say that we on the Right don’t have our own collection of fatheads. Just a few months ago, we lost a couple of Senate seats because our candidates decided that if Bill Clinton could get away with parsing the meaning of “is” and “sex,” they could do it with “rape.” And, unfortunately, they were both Tea Party candidates. To me, it suggests that in the future, along with checking out how potential candidates feel about same-sex marriages, taxes and abortions, someone should also spend a few minutes making sure they’re not morons.

When Rand Paul waged his filibuster in order to get Attorney General Holder to admit that Obama didn’t have the legal authority to use drones to kill Americans on American soil, I thought it would have been better if he had employed a filibuster against Chuck Hagel in order to get to the bottom of the Benghazi scandal. But that’s a far cry from John McCain and Lindsey Graham labeling Sen. Paul a wacko.

Although it may just be a rumor, it’s been said that the Roman despot Caligula once thought so highly of his horse, Incitatus, he made him a senator. More likely, it showed what he thought of the Roman Senate. Whatever the case, it’s a tradition that’s come down through the centuries. The only difference is that whereas Caligula may have appointed one horse, we now elect dozens.

According to Breitbart News, Mark Kelly, gun control zealot and husband of ex-Rep. Gaby Giffords, reportedly purchased an AR-15 and a 1911-style automatic pistol at a gun show in Tucson, Arizona. Allegedly, he did it in order to illustrate the need for more stringent gun laws. It’s reported that he also purchased high capacity magazines.

To me, that sounds like a minister caught going into a brothel and explaining he was only doing it to make certain the laws against prostitution were being enforced. After all, if Kelly didn’t already have enough proof that the current gun laws weren’t strict enough to suit him, why would he and his wife have jumped the gun, as it were, and created yet another anti-Second Amendment organization?

In the meantime, there’s been no word that Kelly has beaten his guns into plowshares or even turned them into the cops in exchange for concert tickets.

Finally, Sports Illustrated published a list of the 50 Most Powerful People in Sports. Logically topping the list were NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and David Stern, the commissioner of the NBA. But lurking in 44th place was Barack Obama. In defending their selection, the editors mentioned Obama’s annual NCAA basketball tournament picks, which would have been enough to put him in a tie for 37,845,928th place on the SI list. They concluded their butt-kissing exercise with “and the 51-year-old can shoot the J. ”In Sports Illustrated-speak, that’s a reference to the jump shot.

From my perspective, what the Prevaricator-in-Chief shoots far more consistently is the S.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • GlenFS

    Didn’t Obama shoot a hole-in-one on his first ever gofing attempt? Oh wait, that was another dictator with an adoring press.

    • Takincareofbusiness

      Putt-putt golf doesn’t count. I’m sure Little o cheats at golf like everything else.

  • Drew Page

    Wait a minute. Why isn’t Chris Matthews screaming for an investigation into Sports Illustrated’s flagrant racist comments about our president. After all, they said “the 51 year old president could still shoot the J.” How dare they affiliate the president with basketball? What’s their next racist comment going to be, that he can dance?

  • pepps

    rich as usual! how I wish the liberals could/read and understand

  • CmonMann

    everyone should be able to make their own choices about smoking, sugary drinks, cheeseburgers and cake……………….but…………….the rest of us should not have to pay for their bad choices – you want a burger? go ahead, but don’t expect the rest of us to pay for your healthcare

    • sheila0405

      We pay for bad choices in education all the time. Poor policies, inept teachers, and disinterested students. Let’s set up budgets where only good students get their education free of charge from local school districts–all other should pay their own way. Let’s see how far that idea would go.

      • CmonMann

        wow – you must be a product of the public education system! are you OK paying for everyone else’s bad choices?

        • sheila0405

          I pay for bad choices all of the time in many ways. I have very little say in where my tax dollars are spent. My point was that you can take any government program and say “I won’t pay for that” because those who get the dollars make bad choices. Do I wish it wasn’t like that? Yes. But people keep putting officials like our President in office, and when that happens, my choices end.

  • lmw

    Bloomberg needs to be concerned with what EBT holders and how they are spending the government funded money card. Concern himself with something that is of real concern and given to people to spend on healthy, good choices. None of which can be determined. Why don’t we bring that to the forefront?

  • teamfrazzled

    Did I understand that correctly? Kelly was trying to prove guns laws are so lax it allowed a law abiding, upstanding astronaut to slip through and buy one?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joel-Wischkaemper/100000008210596 Joel Wischkaemper

    80% of the New York High School Grads cannot read?? Wow. The Hotel industry is using illegal aliens galore and those kids he is talking about are the children of the illegal aliens I would guess. Sort of tells you what to expect when the amnesty finally hits the U.S. I betcha they give the illegal aliens five years to learn English, with a extension of no more than twenty years. Bloomberg is such an idiot. How did that happen.

  • supie

    you miss the big time bernie… ?

  • pborden41

    What a great line — shoot the S. The SI choice of Obama was, of course, ridiculous. Which do you think was dumber, though. That or the Nobel Peace Prize?

    • sheila0405

      The Nobel prize, of course, because that is an award that is recognized worldwide. Only in America is SI valued, with the notable exception of the swim suit edition.

  • Shane

    Liberals have no tolerance for anybody who dares to disagree with liberal dogma; they are as fanatical as the Taliban when it comes to their beliefs.

  • http://twitter.com/MissoulaHome Kris

    Nice job Burt! I am so glad I do not live in New York- or any where close to it. But the shift is taking place all over- even here in the Last Best Place: Montana. We passed the “Even More Equal Than You” law- where Gay/Transgendered/Transsexual’s get better protection than all other citizens in Montana- they especially cannot be discriminated against (even though there are already laws that protect them on the books) above all others. Makes no sense what-so-ever. But, the Lofovos (Low Information Voters) went right along with it, just like they did to get Obama elected, yet again!

    BTW- I didn’t even know you could get an “automatic” 1911 style gun…

    Keep up the great work Burt!!

  • swampcreek

    Burt, you’ve got the wrong end of the horse.

  • swampcreek

    Burt, you’ve got the wrong end of the horse.

  • gloria

    Great article! When I heard Tingling’s ruling I did laugh out loud, but Bloomberg is so full of himself as a do-gooder he doesn’t even realize he is a ‘laughing stock’!
    Just think – if 32 oz sodas are banned in certain retail outlets then people who crave them can never get them anywhere or obtain any & all other fattening foods either and the new thinner healthier population that results will all be the achievement of one dedicated public servant – King, I mean Mayor Mike, who has become a one man anti-fat zealot.
    And btw madman Caligula did make his horse a senator – but don’t elevate our senators to horses when it is only one end of the horse that represents their behavior.

    • sheila0405

      People will buy more 16 oz bottles. Wonder if that increases tax revenue for NYC?

  • LennyPincus

    The usual stuff from a writer whose best joke is that he quoted Breitbart News.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jose-Gonzales/100003694111815 Jose Gonzales

    This is similar to Assemblyman Katz of New York smoking marijuana, driving 80 MPH, and getting caught last week to prove that there are marijuana smokers driving on the freeway.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Jose: I hadn’t heard about this or I would have included Katz in the article.

      Burt

  • Chris Matthewson

    At least Caligula made his entire horse a senator, not just the hindquarters as we repeatedly seem to do.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Chris: Too true.

      Burt

  • http://www.facebook.com/todd.zaino Todd Zaino

    Burt, file this under “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” the Nanny Bloomberg announced his plans about soda and ounces…it was National Donut Day…earlier in the day Blommie was seen munching donuts…yet later found time to dictate how soda New Yorkers can have…gotta love the leftists…do as I say, not as I do.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Todd: Inasmuch as Bloomberg got the electorate to overlook the fact that two terms were supposed to be the limit for NY mayors, I would say he’s made to order for the millions of pinheads who live in NYC. I hope they keep re-electing him, and that he continues banning things and making New Yorkers the laughing stock of the nation.

      Burt

    • sheila0405

      Not to mention Bloomberg’s strong support of Cheez Its.

  • JohnInMA

    Enjoyed the read. The only thing I’d add about Napoleon Bloomberg is to note the small pleasure I get out of the fact that a part of his response to being restrained by a judge was the usual, “….at least we have started the dialog…” on “portion control.” Clearly he knows he’s not likely to gain the upper hand on that one in the future. The arrogance of all of his statements go beyond Orwellian. They are Obamian…

    And on the Akin’s and Mourdock’s of the GOP, there is one aspect of that just leaves me absolutely flabbergasted. A reasonable person would think a primary function of a party apparatus, such as the RNC or any committee organized to elect Senators (pick your acronym), is to prepare any candidate to be able to speak on platform matters. Not necessarily “toe the party line”, but have elevator pitches ready for most all the topics on a platform. Yet, for example, Akin failed miserably on the one topic that has been used as a cudgel against conservatives since the Reagan era, if not before. Worse, the War On Women theme was the topmost war cry of the Democrats for nearly every campaign across the country. (It was even used against Scott Brown in MA, go figure…) Had the blunder been made about evolving events in Libya, say, and foreign policy, that would have been infinitely more forgivable. But to have a candidate either unprepared, or unwilling to use caution (deliberately wanting to make such a bizarre ‘mind-over-womb’ point), or just incapable is inexcusable. It’s Politics 101, but really more like remedial Politics…

    • Burt Prelutsky

      John: I agree. That’s why I think Karl Rove’s plan to teach Republican candidates how to run for office is a terrific idea. Having the Tea Party decide to back some shmoe simply because he shares their views on a few social issues is about as dumb as nominating Akins and Murdock in the first place.

      Burt

      • JohnInMA

        Let’s hope the Rove’s and the acronym groups don’t isolate just their preferred candidates for that kind of support. Unless they have evidence a candidate is not what they say the are (e.g. fiscal conservative in the Tea Party tradition – I’m not aware of much Tea Party push on social issues), they should prepare/assist them as if they had been hand picked. I find it hard to believe Akin was in elected office prior, much less that he had any ‘training.’ Zero political savvy.

  • Randy

    Bloomberg is the classic politician. And by classic I mean he’s a lying, two-faced, opportunistic, bombastic, manipulating, overbearing, self-righteous, sanctimonious SOB. The only thing scarier than Mr. Bloomberg is the fact the people of New
    York keep electing him. Guess you really do get the leadership you deserve.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Randy: Too often that’s the case. That’s why the fact that Obama was elected twice is so scary.

      Burt

  • ron1443

    Bert. Did you see that photo op of Gifford holding an AR-15? Not sure when it was taken but she did to show she was “tough”.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Ron: I missed it. Are you sure it wasn’t photo-shopped? A lot of that going around.

      Burt

  • nickshaw

    When you lose Bill Maher, which the dwarf has done in the Big Gulp case, you know it’s not going to pass even the liberal smell test.
    And that’s a pretty easy test to pass. For liberals.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      nick: True.

      Burt

  • Frog_Hollow

    Bert…Great writing as usual, ponits made and taken…However I thought you were going to refer to The Special High Intensity Training list that seems to purvey the liberal Democratic minds, or lack thereof today

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Frog: Thanks for the kind words. However, I couldn’t mention the list because I haven’t heard of it.

      Burt

  • Christopher

    When the blind leads the blind…it’s all gonna go downhill. In this case, it’s going to right into a big gaping ravine.

  • DOOM161

    Depending on the day you ask, Mr. Kelly either bought the AR15 “assault” weapon to protest its ready availability, or with the intention of giving it to the police.

    As for the ready availability, I think he’s still waiting to take possession of the firearm. I know that he had to wait 20 days due to Arizona law.

    As for the theory that he planned to give it the the police, that would make it a straw purchase, which is a felony. He also would have had to lie on the background check form, where he would have to swear that he was purchasing the weapon for personal use. This is also a felony. So it seems that Mr. Kelly is either an idiotic hypocrite or an idiotic felon. I’ll let him decide.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      DOOM: Are you sure it has to be a case of either/or?

      Burt

  • Bruce A.

    Another good one Burt. Mayor Bloomberg has no problem with people overdosing on hot dogs at the July 4th Coney Island hot dog eating contest. Maybe he should read the package labels on these things & campaign against the salt & sodium content.

    • Vin Bick

      Please, Bruce, don’t give the idiot in charge of NYC anymore ideas!

      • Burt Prelutsky

        Vin: Amen.

        Burt

  • wally C

    “In defending their selection, the editors mentioned Obama’s annual NCAA basketball tournament picks, ” Wow I had no idea how powerful I could have become with my work betting pool !?

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Wally: Unless, like me, you bet on Romney.

      Burt

      • http://www.facebook.com/pork.bevr Pork Bevr

        Burt, I bet on Romney too. All we can do now is regroup and reload.
        Never back down.

        • Burt Prelutsky

          Pork: Okay, I reloaded.

          Burt

        • sheila0405

          I voted for Gov Romney, but I didn’t bet on him. I knew it was futile. When he lost, I was not at all surprised; indeed, I expected it. I knew too many people who were President Obama devotees. There was no way to talk with these folks about his policies in an intelligent manner. Why did the GOP put Gov Romney in place as the nominee? And, after back to back Presidential campaign losses, will the GOP wake up?

          • Drew Page

            If you are looking for someone to blame for Romney’s loss, look no further than the conservatives Republicans who felt they would rather stay home on election day because Romney wasn’t conservative enough. I hope these morons are enjoying life under the Messiah.

        • AllenJ

          And never ever learn from your mistakes.

  • DanB_Tiffin

    I was not aware of the illiterate New York City high school grads. I guess any silly publicity to distract the public from THAT is good “liberal” city policy. If one acknowledges such a terrible literacy problem, then one must at least pretend to do something about it.

    • Burt Prelutsky

      DanB: Sort of like Obama moaning about the Sequester when we owe $17 trillion and North Korea is threatening to fire nukes in our direction.

      Burt

      • sheila0405

        And, the fact that the President removed Alaska’s missiles when he came into office, the same ones we are now scrambling to put back

  • http://www.facebook.com/todd.zaino Todd Zaino

    Another Prelutsky masterpiece! What an over reach my Nanny Bloomberg! Word on the street (not kidding here Burt) is that Bloomy wants to do something about headphones…because, well DUH they can make you go deaf! Thankfully our Nation’s Nanny is all over this! What the low-information crowd fails to see here is if it’s soda today, why not sugar, salt, bacon, chocolate, and white bread tomorrow?

    Obama making SI top 50…to be honest with you Burt, I was surprised Barry wasn’t higher. Today’s media (with few exceptions) are all tripping over themselves to prop up our young president and the smartest, classiest, most beautiful first lady ever…just ask Moochelle, she’ll tell you. I hope she’s proud of her country and SI for once in her life. I’ll bet seeing Bloomy’s soda ban go bye-bye has smoke coming out of Moochelle’s ears as she wolfs down another burger and chases it with a milkshake.
    Burt you rock man, I look for you Ann Coulter all of the time. Thanks-and keep on keeping on!

    • Burt Prelutsky

      Todd: Thanks for the kudos. As far as I’m concerned, you rock, too.

      Burt