Good News & Bad

There are times, I’m sure we’d all agree, when it seems that good news is a thing of the past. But if you look hard enough, sometimes you’ll spot a nugget. For instance, I recently learned that in Russia, 25% of the men die before the age of 55. That’s because, on average, their consumption of vodka is three half-liters of fermented potatoes every week. If my cavalier attitude strikes you as inhumane, I can only say that any nation that goes from Czar Nicholas to Joseph Stalin to Vladimir Putin in less than a hundred years doesn’t warrant anyone’s sympathy. So, bottom’s up, comrades.

You may have noticed that when they’re not calling conservatives racists, retards or homophobes, liberals like to say that we’re to the right of Genghis Khan, even though there was nothing even remotely conservative about the Mongol leader. But, following their example, I would suggest that conservatives begin referring to liberals as being to the left of National Socialist (Nazi) Adolf Hitler.

Closer to home, the NAACP continues to embarrass itself by calling itself the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, probably because if they changed it to African Americans, the group would be known, laughingly, as the NAAAA; and if they changed it to Blacks, it would be known as NAAB, which might be an embarrassing reminder that by the age of 23, 49% of black males have been arrested at least once.

In any case, when the North Carolina branch of the NAACP staged a march protesting voter I.D. legislation, they required, perhaps for no other reason than to provide me with a laugh,that those taking part present photo IDs. In other words, so far as they were concerned, marching was more important than voting. But that isn’t so far-fetched when you realize that those very same racially-insensitive photo IDs are required whenever people attend a Barack Obama fund-raiser or a Michelle Obama book-signing.

Speaking of the president, the good news is that his favorable poll numbers have dipped so low, they now resemble those of used car salesmen and the bubonic plague. Part of the reason for the overdue turnaround is that even Democrats don’t believe him when he denies that his IRS targeted conservative groups in order to improve his chances of being re-elected in 2012.

It now turns out, according to the folks at WorldNetDaily, that the IRS contracts with the Urban Institute, a group largely subsidized by George (“I’m not Satan, we’re merely close friends”) Soros, to process financial data filed by organizations with $50,000 or less, which would include most, if not all, Tea Party groups. For some reason, the image of foxes guarding chicken coops springs to mind.

The most recent bit of good news is that San Diego, having rid itself of Bob Filner, elected Kevin Faulconer, a Republican, to replace the liberal letch. However, while it’s great that San Diego is now the largest American city with a Republican mayor, before we break out the party hats and uncork the champagne, we should note that San Diego is only the eighth largest city in the nation.

Rand Paul, who has shown himself to be a master when it comes to political stunts, is convinced that he has the standing to bring a class action suit against Obama over the NSA. I wish him well, but I’m curious why he, Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio, don’t file a lawsuit against Obama on behalf of Americans who are having their health care dismantled on an hourly basis via executive fiat. I know I am far more concerned about having access to my doctor than I am about the feds possessing my phone number.

If the NSA is guilty of infringing on my 4th Amendment right to protection from unlawful search and seizure, surely there is more to fear from a president who feels he can trample on the Constitution and Congress with impunity, as he goes about, willy-nilly, creating and changing legislation to suit his mood and promote his partisan agenda.

Speaking of which, even I was blindsided when the Republicans in Congress demanded nothing in return for rubber-stamping Obama’s increasing our national debt. Just a few of the items that were being floated were restoring the recent cuts in military pensions; a reversal of the loony tax on medical instruments; a cut in the deficit; or even a refusal to bail out the insurance companies that will suffer inevitable losses, thanks to the misbegotten Affordable Care Act. Those are losses, by the way, they have coming because the greedy bastards did so much to promote ObamaCare, convinced it would fill their coffers with untold billions of dollars.

When the Republicans can’t even agree on something this basic, you have to begin getting used to the notion, as far-fetched as it might seem, that Hillary and Bill could soon be moving back to the White House.

Although the world of fashion is an alien planet so far as I’m concerned, even I sat up and paid attention when I heard that the gown Michelle Obama wore when she and Barack recently hosted those other notable Socialists, the First Couple of France, at a state dinner, cost $15,000! That, by the way, is $510 above the official poverty level in America.

When asked if she didn’t think it was a bit unseemly to display such extravagance when millions of Americans are unemployed and half the nation was suffering through the cruelest winter in recent history, she is rumored to have said, “Let them eat crepes.” At least it sounded like “crepes.”

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Rose

    Prelutsky is disgusting. He offers nothing but bile. Nobody with a grain of sense would find his columns anything but silly.

  • Rose

    Wow, what a completely vile column. It is the very definition of snarky. An old white man venting his spleen about the cost of Michelle Obama’s beautiful gown. It should be embarrassing to him and any followers he may have, since it is devoid of substance. It really tells me how low the right has sunk. Obama has not turned you into vile creatures. You have done it to yourself. Far-fetched to have the Clintons back in the White House? Old man, you are making it happen!

  • Concernedmimi

    And everyone is beating theirs heads together over Putin invading Ukrain??!!! He’s taking lessons from Obama; remember his statement ‘I’m president so I can do anything I want to’. Putin looks at Obama and says ‘ who the hell are you to tell me how to act?’ A lot hypocritical, don’t you think. He is snubbing his nose at Obama, like Obama is snubbing his nose at half of America!!!

  • Brian Fr Langley

    The Russian way actually has some logic. You escape the insanity in three separate ways. Your alcohol addled mind cares less, your alcohol damaged body gets state support, and you escape the hell of a collectivist demolished civilization at a faster pace.

    • Rose

      So very glad we have no problems with alcohol or drug problems in this country. My husband traveled to Russia a number of times in business and found the people intelligent and hard-working and very cultured. They gave him tickets to the ballet and opera and took him to fine restaurants. I am sure you guys would prefer a good old boy tractor pull or Duck Dynasty marathon, but don’t trumpet your superiority to the Russians.

  • Reco2

    “conservatives begin referring to liberals as being to the left of National Socialist (Nazi) Adolf Hitler.”

    Do you mean the Strasserists and Feder? The Liberals would just respond by comparing conservatives to the Right of the National Socialist party- Including Hitler, Goering, Himmiler, Hugo Boss, Gustuv Krupp, Kurt Schmidt-Ceo of Allianz etc.