I know that there would be difficulties in running Vladimir Putin for president of the United States. To begin with, he wasn’t born in the United States. But that was not an insurmountable obstacle for the incumbent. If Putin, who was born in what was then called Leningrad, were to produce documents indicating that he was in fact born in Nairobi, there should be no problem.
After President Obama’s ad hominem attack on Putin’s posture and attitude in their diplomatic dealings, Putin is bound to get the sympathy vote from former high school goof-offs who also slouched at the back of their classrooms and looked bored while listening to pompous fools. We all know that there are quite a few such people in the electorate.
Putin would have a clear edge in experience over any other candidate who might run in 2016, even the Grand Duchess Hillary. He would be the only one who had ever served before as the president of a country.
By granting political asylum to Edward Snowden, Putin probably has locked up the vote of people on the Left who consider Obama a war criminal and are hot to find an alternative candidate. Who could be more alternative than Putin?
Putin has two other virtues that Obama lacks. He loves his country, and he is exactly what he claims to be. When he was running in 2008, Obama promised that if he were elected, it would be springtime in America. All the old devious political devices, all the corruption, all the unrelenting partisanship, would be swept aside. Putin, his handlers tell me, will run on the single slogan: “No more b—–t!” For those who voted for Obama and later thought better of it, this would be irresistibly enticing.
“But what about national security?” I hear you cry. “Would it be wise to place the reins of our government in the hands of a Russian national, a man who in the past was our sworn enemy, and who continues to have indisputable ties to his mother country?” (Meaning Kenya, I suppose.)
Well, let’s put it this way. If Putin had been president of the United States during the past year, today we would have no idea who the Tsarnaev brothers were, and there would be no fugitive assassins still roaming Libya (if in fact there still was a Libya). The only important thing that would be the same would be a national media slavishly beholden to the government.
It is tempting to wonder what an election contest between Putin and Obama would be like, but of course the president is legally barred from running again. On the other hand, I am sure Attorney General Holder and his staff can figure out how to draft an Executive Order that cancels out that little glitch. And, as usual, the Republicans, rather than protest, would curl up in a ball and suck their thumbs.
Copyright © 2014 BernardGoldberg.com