Implausible Deniability & (Bonus) Translating Obamaspeak

Generally, when it comes to White House scandals such as Watergate and Iran-Contra, the relevant questions are what the president knew and when he knew it. However, when it comes to Obama and Benghazi; the monitoring of the AP reporters; the targeting of Fox’s James Rosen; and the IRS’s intimidation of conservative groups; the questions appear to be what did Obama not know and when did he not know it?

Again, most presidents want to at least appear to be on top of things; Obama wants us to believe he’s merely a bystander just waiting for Jay Carney, dressed up as a cop, to come along and say, “Let’s just move along. Nothing to see here.”

Whenever an administration is caught, as it were, with its hand in the cookie jar, the chief executive wants to have plausible deniability. That’s why he doesn’t make it a habit to write a memo that reads: “Dear IRS: I’m in the middle of a re-election campaign. Please do everything in your power to shut down the ability of conservative groups to raise money…at least until November 7th. Much appreciated. Regards from Michelle and the kids. See you at the Easter egg hunt. Sincerely, President Barack H. Obama.”

Instead, what these guys do is have a trusted lieutenant like Valerie Jarrett or David Axelrod let it be known in the appropriate circles that the boss would like to see certain things take place, and then, with the cooperation of stooges like Attorney General Eric Holder or IRS attack dogs Doug Shulman and Lois Lerner, those things just miraculously happen. And not even the FBI can find an Obama fingerprint anywhere, not that they’re likely to look too hard.

When I finally got a peek at some of those emails regarding Benghazi released by the White House, so much was redacted — a $10 word meaning blacked out — that I was reminded of those 18 minutes of tape recording that went missing during the Watergate investigation. It does seem as though all those comparisons of Obama to Lincoln and FDR were a bit wide of the mark. Clearly, it was Richard Nixon who was this schmuck’s role model.

Speaking of schmucks, a Fox poll asked people which of the recent scandals concerned them the most. IRS topped the list with 32%; followed by Benghazi with 27%; the monitoring of AP reporters scored 21%; and 10% went for none of the above, claiming that all of them were of grave concern. I might have preferred to see a higher score for Benghazi, which saw four Americans slaughtered and an eight-month full court cover-up by Obama, Clinton and Carney, but that’s an honest difference of opinion. However, the truly shocking number was 8%. That represented the percentage of Americans who were not the least bit concerned about any of these matters. And I will remind you that these ignoramuses are allowed, even encouraged, to go out and vote every Election Day.

Chris Matthews, who says almost as many stupid things as Joe Biden, and for added comedy effect says them with a lisp, recently labeled Obama “The Perfect American.” Apparently he based his conclusion in large part on his belief that Obama has never broken a law, which strikes me personally as a very low standard for perfection. But in addition, Matthews has apparently chosen to ignore the fact that Obama boasted in his autobiography that he regularly used illegal drugs as a young man.

In the meantime, we know Obama lied about what happened in Benghazi for no other reason than to be able to campaign as the super hero who killed bin Laden with his bare hands and went on to personally decimate Al Qaeda. One can only conclude that Matthews is as easy a grader as Obama, who, as I recall, gave himself a B+ near the end of his first term.

Back in the 1940s, President Harry Truman had a little sign on his desk in the Oval Office that stated: The Buck Stops Here.

If Barack Obama had a sign on his desk, it would read: The Buck Stops Here… Just Long Enough to Catch Its Breath.

TRANSLATING OBAMASPEAK

I have never been good with foreign languages, so it’s little wonder that I have had so much trouble figuring out what Barack Obama is talking about. Still, it didn’t take me too long to realize that “fees” and “revenues” are what the rest of us call taxes.

I’m ashamed to admit that the first time I heard him say, “I can’t comment because there’s an ongoing investigation,” I assumed he couldn’t comment because there was an ongoing investigation. By the second time, it dawned on me that what he was really saying was “There’s no way I’m going to talk about (Operation Fast & Furious) (voter intimidation by the New Black Panthers) (the monitoring of the AP) (the national security leaks to the NY Times that made me look like I knew what I was doing when it came to foreign affairs) (Syria) (Benghazi) (the targeting of conservatives by the IRS) while an ongoing investigation is taking place.”

And if you asked when any of those investigations was likely to be concluded, the honest answer, which you’d never get, is sometime after January 20, 2017.

Does Obama actually think anyone believes him when he says that he had no idea that Internal Revenue was targeting right-wing groups and individuals? In order to swallow that, we would also have to believe he’d have been equally in the dark if the IRS had been targeting liberals for the past two or three years.

He’s not alone when it comes to speaking in code. For instance, when you ask Hillary Clinton why it makes no difference who killed Ambassador Stevens and his three colleagues in Benghazi, the honest answer would be that neither she nor Chelsea was one of the four victims, so it was no big deal.

And when Bill O’Reilly tells guests on The Factor “You’re dodging my question,” it really means they’re not agreeing with his latest pontification.

A reader sent me a question he wished somebody would ask Obama: “Why is it that Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood get free F-16s, but law-abiding Americans can’t be trusted with hunting rifles?” On behalf of Obama, let me assure you that there is an ongoing investigation.

Another reader pointed out that if you cross the North Korean border illegally, you’ll be sentenced to 12 years hard labor. If you sneak across the Afghan border, you’ll be shot. If, on the other hand, you enter the U.S. illegally, you get a job, food stamps, a driver’s license, a place to live, health care and an education. Some would suggest that proves we are better than North Korea and Afghanistan. Others would suggest that what we are is a nation of suckers and screwballs.

On a somewhat related matter, although I love the game of baseball, I despise the World Baseball Classic, which is not to be confused with the World Series. For one thing, the competition begins when the winter baseball season south of the border concludes. Thus, Latin players are ready to go at a time, early March, when our own players are supposed to be getting into shape with their teams at spring training camps.

But worse than that basic unfairness is that players being paid millions to play for the Yankees, Cardinals, Red Sox and Mariners, are expected to play for their native countries. Even those who have resettled with their families in the U.S. are encouraged to compete under a foreign flag against their native-born teammates.

I know I shouldn’t be too surprised. Major League Baseball, an organization so corrupt that it knowingly turned a blind eye to players juiced up on steroids erasing the records of Ruth, Maris and Aaron, just so they could sell a few more tickets, cares about the Game about as much as Obama cares about America.

Radio talk show host Dennis Prager has pointed out that when it comes to religion, there are three self-identified groups: Believers, Agnostics and Atheists, and of the three only the Agnostics are hypocrites. As Prager argues, if a person really can’t decide whether or not God exists, doesn’t it behoove him to attend a church or synagogue every other week? Instead, Agnostics behave exactly like Atheists, who at least have the courage of their convictions.

But I would suggest that Liberals, including the Atheists in their ranks, have their own religion. It’s called Big Government. They don’t question it. Instead, like Muslims, they prostrate themselves to it.

Their faith is so great that it doesn’t even occur to them that at some point, Satan, otherwise known as a Republican, will inevitably gain control of it, and whatever powers have been granted or gobbled up by the executive branch will be in the hands of their archenemies.

But, then, nobody ever said that the followers of Liberalism were smart. Well, at least not with a straight face.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • GlenFS

    Burt, had to laugh when i read your Obama letter to the IRS! Funny, but makes the point that even in the obvious absence of such a letter, Obama is fully responsible for such a concerted effort on his behalf.

  • souvoter

    Everyday when you wake up and turn on the news; this know-nothing incompetent administration has another scandal on its plate! And Obama just keeps on campaigning; what a joke!!!!!

    • Wheels55

      Obama’s only hope to bring us more hope and change is for the House to go Demo in 2014. Otherwise, he risks going down in history as the most do nothing President who lost the trust of Americans due to many scandals.
      So, he has nothing to do but campaign. If he knew how to truly lead and work with the GOP, then we may have some kids of progress. But he totally blew that when he blamed Republicans for everything that went wrong.

  • Darren Perkins

    The sad truth is that no matter what this guy(O) does many will always assume he is innocent and that it is just the republicans trying to destroy him. A certain percentage would believe the conservatives at the IRS did this just to make O look bad. Probably cons in the state dept who came up with the muslim video excuse to. All to make O look like a liar.

  • JohnInMA

    The 8% you refer to is likely much higher, and represents one pool the Obama-reelect team went after with their high-tech data mining. The GOP relies or reading, thinking people it seems.

    And I at least give baseball credit for having a testing program in place, even if abused or circumvented by some. The NFL, on the other hand, is equally against performance enhancement in words, but isn’t so concerned as to put a similar program in place in deed.

  • Wheels55

    When I tell my liberal friends that Obama is a lousy President, they immediately assume I mean that from a political stand-point. But I don’t. I mean it from a being engaged in what is going on stand-point. What kind of great leader consistently says it is the other side’s fault or he doesn’t know anything about the issue? No great leader does that, not even a good one.
    What’s worse, so many kool-aid drinking followers now think that is good leadership. How else can one explain so many Americans not thinking that Benghazi, the IRS, AP, Rosen, etc issues are not of concern?

  • Bruce A.

    It easy to tell when someone connected to the Obama administration is lying.
    His or her lips are moving.