It’s Not Easy Being a Conservative

Posted: April 21, 2012 in Burt Prelutsky

I realize that every conservative has plenty to complain about. Everything from media bias to popular culture to the Marxist in the White House springs to mind. But I, personally, have my own particular complaints. I refer to the fact that even though those on the Left have taken to heart the Saul Alinsky dictum that in the unending war between liberals and conservatives no weapon is quite as effective as ridicule, we conservatives ignore the pronouncement at our peril.

Every time you turn around, professional clowns like Bill Maher, David Letterman, Jon Stewart, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, Maureen Dowd, Rachel Maddow, Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Crystal, Lawrence O’Donnell, Joe Biden, Henry Waxman, Michael Moore and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, are happily mocking those of us on the Right. In rebuttal, we roll out Ann Coulter, Dennis Miller and Greg Gutfeld, and while it’s true that one conservative wit is easily the equal of a dozen liberal nitwits, these three shouldn’t be forced to do all the heavy lifting on our behalf.

Although I readily acknowledge that every time a liberal opens his mouth, he or she pretty much makes our case, and while I’d never want to discount the role that such serious-minded individuals as Charles Krauthammer, Dennis Prager, Bernie Goldberg, Mark Steyn, Steve Hayes, Laura Ingraham, Hugh Hewitt, Bret Baier, David Limbaugh, Mike Gallagher, Lou Dobbs, Neil Cavuto, Mark Levin, Michael Medved, Andrew Napolitano, Glenn Beck, Bill Kristol, Brit Hume and Sean Hannity play, when it comes to ridicule, it couldn’t hurt to go on the offensive a little more often.

You would think that conservatives would be desperate to fight back in kind, and yet I have never been able to get the Wall Street Journal, Townhall magazine, USA Today or the Weekly Standard, to publish a single one of my articles and, for good measure, have never been invited on Fox News. Go figure.

Well, enough about me. Moving on to lesser matters, I keep hearing Obama describing his energy policy as “all of the above,” while neglecting to mention that by “all,” he means everything but coal, oil and nuclear power. However, I can see where he gets the idea that an industrial nation can get by with those alternative sources of energy he keeps subsidizing with our tax dollars. After all, in search of campaign donations, he gets to fly all over the country on Air Force One, and so far as he can tell, it’s entirely fueled by his own considerable wind power.

Both Obama and Secretary of Energy Steven Chu agree that Americans are addicted to oil, apparently seeing it as akin to heroin or crack cocaine. It is the reason that both of them have done everything in their power to make gas prices rise, at least until they risked having those soaring prices jeopardize Obama’s re-election.

But it occurs to me that when fuel costs skyrocket, it raises the price of everything we buy because retailers have to adjust their prices upward to cover their own overhead. That leads me to wonder if along the way, Obama will take us to task for our shameful addiction to food and clothing.

Something else we keep hearing from the soon-to-be ex-president is that we must be respectful of Islam, even when allegedly trusted Muslim allies shoot our soldiers in the back of the head; when people we’ve squandered blood and treasure protecting have the gall to insult us; and when in 2011, in Pakistan alone, 943 women and girls were murdered for offending their family honor. Odd, isn’t it, that it’s never Muslim males who are guilty of these alleged transgressions?

Pakistan, by the way, is a nation in which there is no law against domestic violence, and so-called honor killings are casually dismissed by the police as family matters.

One is tempted to wish that these people would be bombed back into the Dark Ages, but it would be a meaningless threat because, for all intents and purposes, they’ve never left.

Finally, Joe Biden, the man who took the vice-presidency, which has traditionally been a non-speaking part, and turned it into a feature role as the Court Jester, once famously described ObamaCare as “one *%$#@% big deal.” But that was two years ago and people have short memories, so Biden recently reminded us of his well-deserved reputation by describing Obama’s role in signing off on the Osama bin Laden raid as the most audacious plan in the past 500 years.

While some of the more historically-minded among us have suggested that Napoleon’s invasion of Russia, the Boston Tea Party and the D-Day invasion, have all dwarfed Obama’s providing the thumbs-up to our Navy Seals, I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was being dismissive of Obama’s audacity for strictly partisan reasons.

Instead, having actually looked up “audacious” in the dictionary and discovering that among its various definitions are “unrestrained,” “in defiance of convention and propriety,” “impudent,” and “reckless,” I would say that one of the most audacious things Barack Obama has ever done was to select a cluck like Joe Biden to be a mere heartbeat away from the presidency.

In a related matter, it has been determined by a panel of experts that the single most audacious thing the American people have ever done was to elect Barack Hussein Obama the 44th president of the United States.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com!
Get your personally autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success for just $19.95, postpaid. Get both for just $39.90.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Waxil-Davidson/100001260678202 Waxil Davidson

Well you’ve proven the point that convservatism has been hijacked by black and white thinking twits. Just because something is not one thing, does not means it’s exactly the opposite. FOX is a master at the art of preying on those who fall victim to correlation being the same as causation, which is of course a logical fallacy. But when your audience refuses to 2nd guess you and do their own research and fact checking, then I guess you win.
BurtPrelutsky

Miltmi3: Fox would only invite me on if I were liberal, suspenders or no suspenders. All you have to do is check out Beckel, Juan Williams, Leslie Marshall, Geraldo Rivera, Marc Lamont Hill and Alan Colmes, and you can see that there are no standards at Fox when it comes to left-wingers.

Burt
Miltm13

If you really want to get on FOX, you should start wearing suspenders and cussing like a drunken sailor. Look at how successful that black hole of intelligent discussion, Bob Beckel has become on that network!
BurtPrelutsky

Wally: I agree with you. It would make far more sense for Fox to promote one of my humorous political books instead of one of Lis Wiesl’s thrillers. But Fox is very stubborn.

Burt
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GC36UFUX3FP57OIQ74YHHQUL3M wally

Great article Burt. I think you should be called by Fox to really lay it on the line. Good luck. If you do maybe you can get your book/s sold with B. O’Reilly’s.
BurtPrelutsky

John in MA: I’m afraid nobody at Fox is interested. Either that or Roger Ailes, whom I’ve never met, dislikes my name.

JbUbs: And don’t think I don’t appreciate Bernie and you guys, but appearances on Fox lead to book sales…and I am sick and tired of being out-sold by people like Lis Wiehl and Greg Gutfeld.

Dave O’Connor: I admire your reluctance to be categorized. But you have piqued my curiosity. What are the last words that you wish to have said about you?

Burt
- http://shawmut.blogspot.com/ Dave O’Connor
  
  My trail-off on what I wish to be said is simply the “Pledge of Allegiance” spoken in the third person about me by another.
- http://shawmut.blogspot.com/ Dave O’Connor
  
  Burt; In refelection, it’s less a factor a category (I guess we all get put in one – or even a few), but more than that, I’m fed up with the life-’style’ assumptions. And that strained pageantry guts me out.
  Life, as a mystery to be lived, is too dynamic to relegate to a dictatorship of liberals; who’ll sell any block off at the first counter-bid.
http://shawmut.blogspot.com/ Dave O’Connor

Sure as Hell; it’s not easy, but it’s worth more. OK so the elderly don’t give up their seats on the bus for us, we have to endure Amazons flauntin their four-letter word vocabulary and we don’t get benies for being on the vicitms list.
But, we know we don’t have to. That’s when it’s not being easy rewards us as a not-so-easy gym workout.
Maybe there’s a guy in Boston who doesn’t require special status, PC deference, job promotions, and tends to want to share the load with fellow workers, neighbors and friends, and happens to handle the humor and reasonably established prejudices of others, and, yet, might fit into any number of “RIGHTS-NEEDY”categories.
You see this “gay” person’s (I hate the term.) conservatism stems from an experienced good will from those with whom he chose to work, play and share with; and those who chose to work, play and share with him. (Note: There’s more to the word choice in common laguage.)
See, I’m insulted when patronized; even humiliated when political elements infantilize people with (I know it’s arbitrary.) a gene factor.
Did I get to serve my country? Yes. (Oh, that’s not had-to-serve, I was Regular Army.)
So, I’m a vet. Not a gay vet. A vet. An RA vet.
Did I have to earn a living, and had the chance to? Yes. (Not a gay, physically-qualified, liguistically marginalized living.)
I guess the option to line up, one way or another; liberal or conservative, is the benefit for a conservative.
The option. For, friends and fellows of all kind, a conservative has greater options in this world than those who choose to be categorized. A self-declaration for the sake of a government, civil or popular reason will be a hammer of the head of those who seek controls through government or civil authorities and will regularly be abused by ad hoc popularism.
JBubs

Burt, you don’t need the WSJ or anything else. You have Bernie. And us!
JohnInMA

Burt, with your wit and “experience”, I find it hard to believe you couldn’t at least get an intro into Fox News via a few guest spots on Red Eye. I’ve noticed others have started there, in so many words, and moved on to other contributor spots on the network. A number of comedians, for example, have “infiltrated” the opinion and even news portions of the network after some Red Eye appearances. Of course, my timeline could be imperfect as I don’t watch the network religiously. And at least one of the opinion programs is way too shrill for me.

Also, just a political comment – it’s my “feeling”, supported by certain observations, that this administration’s policies and actions have at least one component in common that could be a minor or even a significant contributor to their positions. As so many of the highest level policymakers have mostly academic backgrounds, they seek “intellectual” perfection and seem entirely bothered by realities and real world events. So, the near obsession to not label some of the worst Muslim human rights offenders properly, or the drive to fundamentally revamp the energy infrastructure at an unnatural pace, are to me examples of the desire to join the global community as a means to the end of “perfecting” the world. Think of it as a sophomoric compulsion to be with the “cool” crowd. Not lead or transform said crowd, but to simply join them. To not participate in this – pick a label, One World, New World Order, etc., – would be intellectually embarrassing. For what it’s worth, a similar unsophisticated urge motivates a lot the academics who have taken a political role in the whole climate discussion, at times completely abandoning good scientific practice. (my opinion). It isn’t that they are totally wrong, it’s that they seem more energized using political tactics to discredit “skeptics” rather than win the argument using centuries old scientific practices – like scholarly challenges and debates. Perhaps it is just silly to think that those who excel in academia are necessary equally or more mature than the public at large. Maybe it’s the reverse?
- Michael
  
  Excellent post.
- http://shawmut.blogspot.com/ Dave O’Connor
  
  Great point, John!
  ” For what it’s worth, a similar unsophisticated urge motivates a lot the academics who have taken a political role in the whole climate discussion, at times completely abandoning good scientific practice. (my opinion). It isn’t that they are totally wrong, it’s that they seem more energized using political tactics to discredit “skeptics” rather than win the argument using centuries old scientific practices – like scholarly challenges and debates.”
  And when they start to re-write history to satisfy their sense of ethics (or lack thereof) they become even more obtuse.
Glen

Burt,

Perhaps your opinions are seen as too edgy for them? They aren’t as PC as other media, but the criticism they get from all points must have an effect on some of their choices. You are very plain spoken and clear, pulling no punches for protected classes. Ann Coulter comes closest. As others have said, it’s their loss (and ours).
Michael

I certainly don’t understand why Townhall doesn’t include you in their stable of writers. I don’t even read most of the boring stuff they post, especially the “buy this metal or stock” sales pieces they slip in under the guise of news. Your articles are much more interesting, much more hard-hitting, and much more humorous. The fact that you had a career as a writer for some of America’s most popular television shows gives you a great platform.

Maybe the people at Townhall and the other outlets you mentioned don’t realize a good television writer has the ability to be in touch with the public, sense the public mood, and know how to craft a message that both entertains and informs.
BurtPrelutsky

Nancye, Glen & Michael: I really can’t figure out why I’ve been banished from Fox. I don’t even know anyone there, aside from Mr. Goldberg…and even he and I have never met in person. I mean, Napoleon was banished for being a troublemaker. Pete Rose was banished for betting on baseball. But what can explain it in my case. Maybe Michael is right. Maybe it’s the damn shirt.

Burt
- http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DGT5LFXDWHPKRWLSI2WPBXIGXE Wil
  
  Burt, Could it be, you’re just too damn ugly for TV. I understand Bernie, had some face work done. Give it some thought.
  .
  
  You’re welcome, Wil
NANCYE

From the article:

You would think that conservatives would be desperate to fight back in kind, and yet I have never been able to get the Wall Street Journal, Townhall magazine, USA Today or the Weekly Standard, to publish a single one of my articles and,

(((for good measure, have never been invited on Fox News. Go figure.)))

****************************

It’s their loss Burt.
Glen

You belong on a broader forum, Burt, but we’re glad we have you on this one.

I regret that I was somehow omitted from your panel of experts, which defined Obama’s election a most audacious act. Of course, I would have voted with the majority and my resume’ is thin had it been solicited. Still, it would have been an honor to serve.
Michael

“[I] have never been invited on Fox News.”

It’s the shirt, Burt. They probably think you’re an old hippy.

http://www.burtprelutsky.com/p/about-burt.html