What is so astonishing about liberals is that they aren’t just wrong occasionally or even wrong more often than not. What is truly amazing is that they are always wrong about everything.
To grasp how remarkable that is, years ago, when quiz shows ruled the roost on TV, I had an uncle whose picture you would see if you looked up “ignorant” in the dictionary. One day, he announced that the shows were rigged. His conviction was based on his belief, as he put it, that “Nobody’s that smart!” He refused to believe that anyone could know so much about boxing or science or Shakespeare.
Naturally when it was discovered that Charles Van Doren was fed some of the answers on 21, Uncle Morrie was vindicated. “Aha! See? I told you so!” The fact was the producers had helped Van Doren cheat. But that was because he had proven to be a very popular contestant who helped hype the show’s ratings as he defeated one challenger after another week after week.
But none of that mattered to Uncle Morrie. So far as he was concerned, if Van Doren cheated, so had everyone else who had wowed the world with their encyclopedic knowledge of various subjects.
My point is that, dumb as he was, Uncle Morrie was right once in his life, and was, I’m convinced, the last leftist about whom that can be said.
Moving on, I always say that with America swirling down the drain of history, we conservatives have to grab our laughs where we can. I grabbed one recently when Barack Obama, addressing the annual Prayer Breakfast, actually said, with a straight face no less, it was the duty of those in power to be humble!
Comedian Chris Rock, not to be outdone by a mere politician, said, “Barack and Michelle Obama are kinda like the Mom and Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something, you listen, and when you don’t it will usually bite you on the ass later on.”
If Barack and Michelle are Rock’s notion of the ideal parents, things must be even worse in the black community than a 71% rate of illegitimacy had led me to believe.
A friend recently sent me an old TV commercial in which Roy Rogers was peddling something called the Quick Shooter hat to a couple of kids. It was a cowboy hat that had a secret compartment in which a toy pistol was concealed. So long as the other kid lived by the code of the Old West and gave you the opportunity to take off your hat and press a little button, the gun would pop up and shoot him.
If it were still around today, New York’s Governor Cuomo would have no choice but to outlaw cowboy hats, no matter how many people explained to him that hats don’t kill people; people kill people.
In the next state over, New Jersey Democrats are introducing legislation that calls for employers to consider a convicted felon’s job qualifications before being allowed to ask him about his criminal history. I suppose that’s better than not being allowed to ask him any embarrassing questions at all, but if I were hiring, that would be my first question; not my last.
Why would I want to hire a criminal when there are all those honest people out of work? At least if the guy without a mile-long rap sheet rips you off, it will come as a big surprise. And that’s very important because although the financial loss might be the same, the difference is that your wife and friends will be able to say, “That’s a shame” instead of “Well, duh!”
I was recently reminded that in the old days, Washington, D.C., was built on a marsh. That means that those words uttered at the graveside of a person, “from dust to dust,” could well be changed to “from swamp to swamp” at the graveside of Pelosi, Reid and Obama’s America.
Speaking of our nation’s capital, I am reminded that when it comes to hypocrisy, there’s little difference between conservatives who complain about their kids being corrupted by left-wing teachers, but continue to send their offspring to public schools, and liberal presidents and congressmen who pay lip service to public education, but invariably send their own offspring to private schools.
On balance, I think the conservatives are a lot worse. Hypocrisy aside, at least the liberals prove they’re sincerely concerned about who’s teaching what to their kids.
Most conservatives, on the other hand, should be charged with child abuse.
Copyright © 2013 BernardGoldberg.com