Lawyers, Liars & Other Lowlifes

by Burt Prelutsky

As I’m sure you’re all aware, Gloria Allred, the preeminent media whore and left-wing dirty trickster, has recently garnered the spotlight by trying to scuttle Meg Whitman’s chances of defeating Jerry Brown in California’s gubernatorial race.

Ms. Allred, who may actually be brought up on ethics charges by the California Bar for placing her client in legal jeopardy by exposing her as an illegal alien guilty of perjury and forging official documents, has long carried on like the worst sort of used car salesman. For good measure, Allred shows her true colors by referring to her client not as Ms. Diaz, but as Nicky. When is the last time that you heard an attorney call a client by his or her first name, unless the client was Madonna or Cher?

The things I know about Ms. Allred are not the sort of things she includes in her resume. Some years ago, for instance, Allred, who regards herself as a gallant feminist who has carved out a career fighting alleged male sexism, hosted a party for a group of women she was then heading up, at Chippendale’s, the male strip club. When word got out, a number of her most ardent supporters condemned her as a hypocrite.

On another occasion, she was one of the lawyers my then wife hired to handle our divorce. One morning, while we were waiting to enter the courtroom, Allred and a male associate walked over to the bench where my wife and her 12-year-old daughter were seated. After they were introduced, Allred turned to the child and said, “Lily, you’re very attractive. Have you considered modeling as a career?”

Do you think if a prominent male had made such a patronizing, sexist remark, Allred would have let it pass or would she have rounded up as many TV cameras as she could and publicly condemned him as a chauvinist pig for suggesting the child rely solely on her looks instead of her brains?

Finally, to show you what an absolutely despicable human being she is, when she was a single mother, she married Mr. William Allred. That was in 1968. It was he who paid her way so that she could attend law school and become an attorney in 1975. In 1987, they got divorced, and the guy wound up having to pay her alimony.

In the passage of time, Mr. Allred went to jail for fraud. When he got out, his financial resources greatly diminished, he petitioned the court for a reduction in his alimony payments. Even though he had made her career possible by paying for her education, and even though she was by then earning a handsome living, she fought him tooth and nail.

As I recall, there is a certain circle in Hell, described by Dante, that is reserved for people who not only bite the hand that’s fed them, but kicks their benefactors in the teeth for good measure. I’m willing to bet that there’s a deep, dark cellar in that particular circle that’s reserved for Ms. Allred.

Another person whose character seems to consist entirely of a pathological egotism is our president. For my part, I am not only sick and tired of listening to that self-absorbed donkey braying 24/7 on the tube, but I’ve had it up to here with those damn shirtsleeves.

God knows I’m no fashion plate, but I’m just me and he’s supposed to be America’s commander in chief, the leader of the free world.

I used to think it was hilarious when Las Vegas entertainers like Tony Bennett and Steve Lawrence would pretend that singing was the equivalent of shoveling coal by undoing their bowties halfway through a performance. But at least they were working up a sweat under those hot lights. Obama, on the other hand, shows up in his shirtsleeves even when all he’s doing is reading from his teleprompter in an air-conditioned auditorium.

In a country with nearly 10% unemployment and a deficit that’s not only burying us, but our children and our grandchildren, is this arrogant mug actually trying to get our sympathy? I’m afraid he’ll have to settle for our contempt.

Of late, rumors are floating around that if his approval numbers continue to tank, Hillary Clinton will challenge Obama for their party’s nomination in 2012. At first blush, one can imagine thinking that anyone but Obama would not only be an improvement, but could work as a campaign slogan. However, we should all keep in mind that Mrs. Clinton not only tried to push through HillaryCare when her husband was up to his usual monkey business in the Oval office, but more recently charged Arizona with human rights violations at the U.N., this putting it on a par with China, Iran and North Korea.

In short, she is every bit the loony lefty that Barack Obama is. In fact, there are only two real differences I’m aware of; one, he’s 50% blacker than she is and, two, she manages to keep her jacket on during working hours.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

Write to: BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • http://uplinktruck.livejournal.com/ Uplinktruck

    I am not a Gloria fan. I have fond memories of Gloria getting served papers in the middle of a live stand up during the Scott Peterson pretrial.

    “I’m not accepting service,” she declared. Was a fun moment indeed standing there watching as she got punked on national TV.

    However, I have a problem with someone writing about the attorney that represented their ex-wife in what sounds like a pretty rough divorce. That kind of goes against common sense and takes a great deal away form the credibility scale.

  • TOMMY FREEDOM

    B ERNIE, RADIOS IN MISSOURI ARE BEGGING FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH

    CLAIRE MCCASKILL, SHE IS SO DISINGENUOUS THAT ITS A

    COMEDY SHOW. HER LAST QUOTE WAS ” OH, TSA IS NO BIG

    DEAL, THEY JUST GIVE YOU ” LOVE PATS “

  • TOMMY FREEDOM

    BERNIE, HOW DOES THIS WORK ????????????

    UNIONS BACK OBAMA BIG, BACK OBAMACARE EVEN BIGGER

    NOW, OPT OUT AND GET A WAIVER. FAVORITE QUOTE

    OFTEN THE MASSES ARE PLUNDERED AND DONT KNOW IT !

  • TOMMY FREEDOM

    MORE MISSOURI SENATE SUBTERFUGE, SHES ON THE RADIO AGAIN.

    WASHINGTON DC FAIRY TALES, OBAMACARE WILL SAVE MORE MONEY &
    LOWER DEFICIT IN ABOUT 20 YEARS, YES, I STILL BACK MY VOTE, I JUST
    WANTED TO HELP THOSE UNWASHED MASSES !

    I’M UP FOR REELECTION IN 2 YEARS, I’M NOW THE ” EARMARK CHAMPION”
    JUST GOT RELIGION, LETS CUT A LITTLE SPENDING. DONT PAY ATTENTION
    TO MY PREVIOUS SPENDING BINGE, OUT- CLAIRE, GO JIM TALENT !

  • TOMMY FREEDOM

    BERNIE, DOESNT EVERYONE LIKE A LITTLE TYRANNY AT THE AIRPORT.

    EITHER SUBMIT TO BIG BODY RADIATION OR FULL BODY PAT DOWN OR NO

    PLANE RIDE. THEY LIKE TO PUSH US FOR THE FUN OF IT !

  • Harold Jaffe

    Great story. How true.

  • Clarence De Barrows

    “But the use of the w word smacks of MSNBC.” What is the w word? Have we become so effete in this Country that we can’t say whore, if that’s what we mean?

  • Bruce A.

    Another good one. Too bad it’s true.

  • Michael Harris

    Bert, She threw her client under the bus and deserves criticism. But the use of the w word smacks of MSNBC. We need to be better.

  • GEORGE

    GREAT STORY.