“Putin on the Ritz” and “Obama, the Impaler”

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Ever since Vladimir Putin decided to restore the former Soviet Union, I have admired his restraint. I’m serious. I mean thus far, all he’s done is venture a little way into Georgia and, as of this moment, into a small section of Ukraine. Surely, judging by the response from Obama and the various garden gnomes heading up the nations affiliated with NATO, I see no good reason why he hasn’t taken back Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, the eastern section of Germany or all of Europe, for that matter.

Obama’s defenders like to say that it wouldn’t matter who was in the Oval Office because Putin would do whatever he likes because he’s Putin. I beg to differ. It was Obama who refused to supply Poland and Czechoslovakia with promised missile defense systems because he didn’t wish to irk Russia’s dictator. It was also Obama who let Putin get away with consorting with the mullahs in Iran and Assad in Syria. And that was after decreasing our nuclear arsenal at Putin’s request. Every school kid knows all too well that if you give in to a bully even once, he’ll just keep taking your lunch money.

When Mitt Romney, during the 2012 presidential debates, identified Russia as our major geo-political foe, Obama, the NY Times and Chris Matthews, all ridiculed him, pretending he was Rip Van Winkle and had been asleep for 50 years. But he knew what any sentient human being who has paid attention to Russia through the years knew; namely that Russia is less a piece of geography than an evil and vicious state of mind. It’s Hannibal Lector, but without Anthony Hopkins’ soothing tones.

Hillary Clinton, who is every bit as stupid as Patty Murray and Barbara Boxer, but comes across as forceful because of all that extra testosterone, made a big deal about presenting her Russian equivalent with a restart button, pretending that the Russian grizzly had turned into a pussy cat. The fact is that Russia has changed its name, but has changed nothing else over the years, and it hasn’t mattered if the guy calling the shots was a czar, Joe Stalin or an unrepentant Cossack named Putin.

I suggest that in place of those silly Nobel Peace Prizes, they should be handing out Nevilles in honor of Neville Chamberlain. They would come in the form of a little furled umbrella, and would be bestowed on the world’s leader who showed the greatest amount of cowardice when it came to facing down a bully. And because the bullies are dispersed in such far-flung places as Russia, Syria, Iran, Uganda, Venezuela and North Korea, just about every national leader would have a fair shot at taking home a Neville.

The thing about Russia is that it is, with the possible exception of North Korea, the most paranoiac nation on earth. Although it has well over 200 million people and a land mass that dwarfs just about every other country on earth, it is always carrying on as if invasion is just around the corner and that it requires more and more buffers to safeguard its sovereignty. The fact is that in 200 years, it’s been invaded only twice, and on those occasions it was by Napoleon and Hitler, and neither got very far. It’s also a fact that it’s Russia that has made it a practice to invade and dominate its neighbors.

One of the many things that Obama says that annoys me no end is when he makes reference to the international community and pretends, one, that it actually exists and, two, that it possesses moral authority. Until he got the house key to the White House, one could argue that whatever morality existed in the world was mainly possessed by the United States. But he has seen to it that when he said that America was no more exceptional than any other nation, he fully intended to prove it by transforming it in his own repulsive image.

When one looks at the world, it’s obvious that most nations could disappear tomorrow and the world would be the better for it. If you disagree, check out the membership roll of the United Nations. By comparison, even the freaks in the Occupy Wall Street movement, personal hygiene aside, don’t look all that bad.

Of course I could be wrong, but I’m betting that the editors at Time Magazine have already begun putting together the year-end edition naming President Vladimir Putin “Person of the Year.”

But, all is not lost. Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I think the odds look awfully good that our own president will be bringing home the Neville!

Obama, the Impaler

Vlad III was a 15th century Romanian prince, whose cruelty was legendary and whose chief claim to fame is that he served as Bram Stoker’s inspiration for Count Dracula.

So far as I know, Obama has limited his own impaling to our Constitution, but he has certainly done his utmost to drain the life blood out of America. In five short years, he has managed to undermine our economy, destroy our health care system, betray our allies, coddle our enemies and, perhaps most contemptuously of all, driven wedges between Americans based on race, religion and class.

Over the past couple of centuries, America has faced and defeated any number of foes, but we have never faced this type of menace, one seemingly dedicated to destroying us from within, a cancer with a political agenda.

There have been many movie comedies that dealt with guys — Buster Keaton, Dennis O’Keefe and Richard Pryor, come to mind – who had to unload millions of dollars, thanks to stipulations in the wills of very eccentric relatives, before they could lay claim to their inheritance. Except that Obama doesn’t have their logical motivation, he has a lot in common with them.

After all, Obama started out by blowing a trillion dollars on a stimulus that resulted in no shovel-ready jobs. Then came another billion dollars or so squandered on green energy companies owned by his cronies that quickly, and predictably, went belly-up. Now, he intends to burn through $684 million promoting the ill-named Affordable Care Act in 2014, after wasting a similar amount on the disastrous rollout of his signature piece of legislation.

I have grown almost as weary of looking at the human stiffs who stand behind Obama every time he gives a speech as I am of listening to the speeches. It would be difficult to find a more moronic-looking group of nonentities outside of the White House press corps, which, with the exception of Fox’s Ed Henry, have never stopped taking dictation long enough to ever ask a serious question of Robert Gibbs or Jay Carney.

The Democrats have once again circled the wagons to defend Obama from the charge that he is acting as a dictator when he unilaterally changes the law through executive fiat in order to bolster his party’s chances of hanging on to the Senate in the midterm elections. Proving that, as usual, liberal partisanship trumps principles, they keep insisting that Reagan, Clinton and Bush, all issued more executive orders than Obama. They ignore the fact that his delays in implementing ObamaCare are major affronts to the letter and spirit of the Constitution.

By concentrating on mere numbers, they hope to disguise the fact that it’s a lot like suggesting that a jaywalker is a bigger menace than a serial killer simply because the first guy crossed against the light a hundred times, whereas the killer only committed a dozen murders.

Here in California, as you may have heard, we’re having a drought. The truth is we’re nearly always having a drought because so much of the state is or was a desert, sort of like Israel. But the lack of water in the Central Valley has far less to do with Mother Nature than it does with such groups as the Sierra Club, which uses certain critters on the endangered species list as an excuse to prevent water from being moved from where it is to where it needs to be.

But so long as environmental fascists continue funneling cash to the likes of Jerry Brown, Barack Obama and the DNC, liberal politicians, be they in Sacramento or Washington, D.C., will always stand ready to do their bidding –whether the issue is water for the farmers in the San Joaquin Valley, the Keystone pipeline or oil drilling in ANWR and our coastal waters.

California’s farmers, who are responsible for feeding a nation, are begging for water, but California’s smelt are splashing away or whatever the hell it is that smelt do. It’s all thanks to well-heeled Hollywood elitists who care about nothing really, except being invited to Obama’s next $35,000-a-plate fund-raising dinner, where the only smelt to be found aren’t on the menu, but seated at the dais.

As much fun as it is to ridicule progressives, I’d be remiss if I didn’t occasionally chastise my fellow conservatives. In spite of all my railing on the subject, you folks continue to send your offspring to liberal arts colleges, where not only will they learn no marketable skills, but will be indoctrinated by left-wing simpletons.

But I can understand your predicament. What I would call showing some backbone, others, including, no doubt, your offspring, would label child abuse.

But what possible excuse do you have for continuing to subscribe to your local newspaper when, no matter where you happen to live, the chances are that its primary function is the daily promulgation of liberal talking points?

I mean, you can easily get grocery coupons, baseball scores and the weather report, off your computer. And whereas in the old days, the comics might be your excuse, these days, with Doonesbury leading the way, they’re about as politically balanced as a New York Times editorial. Just not nearly as funny.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • kpail

    Two months ago? Newest?

  • therealguyfaux

    “…California’s smelt are splashing away or whatever the hell it is that smelt do…”
    Whoever smelt it dealt it, I guess.

    And I thought everybody knew that the state of water supply in California was always subject to jiggery-pokery, since the film Chinatown: “You don’t understand, Mr Gitz! This isn’t about the water coming to Los Angeles, this is about Los Angeles coming to the water!”

    Forget it, Burt– it’s “Chinatown.”

  • Darren Perkins

    Gotta admit this rant was entertaining and right on point. One of the best I’ve read by you Burt.

  • rhp

    Hi Burt. You cannot be real. I have been reading you for quite few years and only once or twice would disagree with you. And I do not even remember my objections, they had to be very important, like I would rather use “enviro wackos” instead “environmental fascists”, but only because term fascist is overused everywhere. “Yes, definitely, our Sheldon would say ‘enviro wackos’”. And I thought I was an odd ball. It is hard to have original thought.
    All the best in your recuperation from surgery
    rhp

  • gold7406

    the administration is/has created a nation of “julias.” spoon fed ideas,opinions and points of view. the country was sold a bill of goods in the form of university student center ideology. it’s the “we were correct and they were wrong,” mentality. the country still hasn’t learned, the right was right and the left are wrong.

  • Concernedmimi

    You always have really catchy titles, Burt, but this one is extremely witty! Just a whole lot of truth and common sense that I had to share with all my friends on facebook! As usual, you nailed it again!!!!