Parrots & People

Many years ago, through odd circumstances, I broke up with one young woman who had a parrot only to take up with another young woman who had a parrot. You might assume I worked in an exotic bird store, but it was just one of those coincidences that sometimes happen even to people who don’t put much stock in such things.

The thing that confused me at the time was why anyone would ever want to share their home with one of those creatures. I am referring to the parrots, not the young women. Even though I didn’t live with the ladies, on various occasions, when they had to go out of town, it became my responsibility to feed the birds and change their water. And every time I did, I came under attack.

As I say, that was a long time ago, but I only recently figured out what purpose the parrots served. It was to prepare these women to one day be the mothers of teenagers. After all, parrots are notorious for their lousy personalities and their general lack of hygiene. When you factor in their lack of gratitude, which they displayed by attacking me, the person commissioned to provide them with food and water, you can see how closely they resemble an ordinary American teenager.

Another group they very much remind me of are liberals. Just consider a typical group of Occupy Wall Streeters with their screeching, their filth and their repetitious parroting of inane slogans. Stick them on their perches, glue a few colorful feathers on them, and you could fool a team of ornithologists.

For instance, Obama’s people invented a fictional woman they chose to call Julia. They used her to point out how Julia advances from the age of three to 67 by constantly depending on the largesse of Obama and the American taxpayer to survive. I suppose the subliminal message is that Obama not only has to be re-elected this November, but a lot of additional Novembers to get Julia through to her 67th birthday. At that point, I assume that Obama’s death panel will decide that Julia has lived long enough and is not entitled to undergo heart surgery.

Eric Holder defended the Department of Justice spending millions of dollars prosecuting Roger Clemens for a second time because lying to Congress about his alleged use of human growth hormones was such a serious offense. It just happened to be on the same day that a congressional committee considered citing Holder for contempt for refusing to release documents relating to Operation Fast and Furious.

Apparently we are saddled with an attorney general who thinks getting to the bottom of whether or not Clemens was juiced when he shut out the Minnesota Twins 10 years ago is more important than a gun-running operation that resulted in a U.S. border guard being murdered with one of those guns.

Obama, who quite naturally refuses to run on his record, is, instead, insisting that he needs another four years to finish the job. But because of the near-universal disapproval of ObamaCare, the trillion dollar stimulus, the additional six trillion dollars of debt and his anti-Israel position, he’s in the weird position of not being able to tell us exactly what this job is that he wishes to keep doing.

Perhaps he’s alluding to the greater flexibility he promised Medvedev he’d have after the election. Still, after refusing to provide Poland and the Czech Republic with an anti-missile defense system and promising to decimate our nuclear arsenal, I bet even Putin is scratching his head, trying to figure out what Santa Obama could possibly have in mind. The blue prints for a drone? The green light to roll Russian tanks back into Georgia, Azerbaijan and the Ukraine? Or perhaps just the deed to Alaska?

Although Obama and his flunkies keep referring to the economy he inherited as the worst since the Great Depression, the fact is that the economy that Reagan inherited from Jimmy Carter was pretty awful. In 1980, the rate of inflation was 13.58% and unemployment was 7.18%, which translated to 20.76 on the misery index.

In 2012, inflation is around 3% and although, according to the feds, unemployment is hovering around 8.1%, we all know that underemployment combined with the people who have simply stopped looking for work would raise the actual number to about 15%, making for a miserable, Carter-like, 18% on the misery index.

If Romney poses the question Reagan posed in 1980, “Are you better off now than you were four years ago,” just about everyone who’s not on Obama’s payroll would have to answer with a resounding “No!”

Finally, because I am a frequent viewer of Fox, it’s my curse in life to see Juan Williams nearly every time I tune in to Bret Baier’s “Special Report,” Bill O’Reilly’s “The Factor” and Chris Wallace’s “Fox News Sunday.” I can only assume that he possesses incriminating photos of Roger Ailes.

His singular role on Fox seems to be to spin like a top for the Obama administration and parrot excuses for the man’s endless string of failures.

The fact is, Juan Williams expends so much effort carrying Barack Obama’s water, I just hope for his sake that he never leaves home without his truss.


©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com!

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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/PPL2AXPXJMWPEJWFN34MPC5RNY terry

    DELORES HUERTA WAS AWARDED THE PRES MEDAL OF FREEDOM FOR RADICIZING WORKERS, SHE IS A MARXIST/SOCIALIST NUT THATS WHY OBAMA
    LIKES HER.  SHES A REAL HATER, SHE PREACHS THAT PRES BUSH BLEW UP THE
    TWIN TOWERS AT GROUND ZERO.  SHE GOT OTHER CRAZY IDEAS, TOO MANY TO
    MENTION.  SHES A NUT THATS WHY OBAMA CAN RELATE TO HER.

  • Marinaspir

    Hi Burt,

    My grandson always knows when I read your columns on Sunday nights, because he says it’s the only time he hears me laugh OUT LOUD!!!!!!
    You can be sure Juan Williams never earned 2 million at NPR.  He appears the most idiotic -he has levels of idiotic rhetoric-  when he has the audacity to disagree with Charles Krauthammer.  He doesn’t deserve to be in the same room with C.K let alone on the same panel.
    How I wish could record and fast-forward on Fox………………especially when O’Reilly continues to plug “Killing Lincoln”………………I can only use mute on the remote!

    Marina

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/PPL2AXPXJMWPEJWFN34MPC5RNY terry

      I HAVE BEEN CRYING ABOUT  EL MORON EXTRODINAIRE JUANNIE WILLIAMS FOR OVER A YEAR .  TELLING THEM TO SEND HIM BACK TO NPR.  NPR FIRED HIM AND ITS EASY TO SEE WHY.  HE IS A LAPDOG FOR THE WH.  HE TWISTS AND DISTORTS EVERY ISSUE IN THE WH FAVOR.  HE NEVER AGREES WITH ANYONE, IF HE DOESNT LIKE THE COMMENTS, HE TWISTS HIS NECK, MAKES FACES LIKE A CHILD.  WHEN I SEE HIM, I LEAVE
      THE ROOM.  HE’S A VERY UNATTRACTIVE MAN, I THINK FOXNEWS IS VERY
      HARD UP.  HIS BEHAVIOR IS RATHER OBNOXIOUS, HE CUTS IN WHEN OTHERS ARE TALKING, HE IS VERY RUDE SOMETIMES.  HIS ARGUMENTS
      DONT MAKE ANY SENSE.  HE MUST BE A TOKEN !

  • genann59

    I’m am sure that there are people in the government who know what the actual inflation rate is when the three variables they keep away from the public eye are figured in. I would really be interested in knowing what the actual inflation rate is when costs of food, energy and medical care are also factored into the equation. Sure doubt they will release that information before the elections.

  • genann59

    Burt, one difference with the inflation rate is that between the Carter administration and now, the way the inflation rate was determined was “adjusted” to eliminate rises in cost of food, energy, and medical care, since COLAs on pensions and social security were based on the inflation rate, and the government decided that social security payments would bankrupt that program even quicker if they did not “adjust” the inflation rate for the three areas in which inflation was the highest. So for those who live check to check, and who have seen prices skyrocketing, we do know the inflation rate is much higher than 3%, and so does the government, who hopes most Americans do not become aware that the inflation rate they feed us is BS, and leaves out the three areas which we all have to have, and which are inflating in their cost at a much higher rate than we are told.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    cma: I play Wil like a violin.  But now that I know that he has gone from merely being my most faithful reader to being a man who has my photo taped to his bedroom wall, I feel as if I’m being stalked.  And, believe me, you haven’t been stalked until you’re stalked by a really dumb parrot.

    Burt

  • cmacrider

    Burt:  I don’t mean to be out of line … but I thought it was particularly shrewd on your part to have “Wil” post as a perfect example of the “liberal parrots” you describle in your column.  

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DGT5LFXDWHPKRWLSI2WPBXIGXE Wil

      Does Burt write anything other then the right wing rhetoric, that is
      written or aired on every conservative blogs, radio stations and TV stations. He
      rails about being a parrot, when he is one himself. I saw a picture of Burt, he
      resembles a parrot.

  • cmacrider

    Burt:  Maybe Holders obsession with Roger Clemens and his remarkable lack of enthusiasm for Fast & Furious is because as a socialist/racist/ ideologist baseball is beyond his comprehension.  He doesn’t understand that baseball has a relatively simple set of rules with a group of umpires who ensure that those rules are impartially implied to ensure a level playing field so that every individual player can employ his God given talents and succeed or fail accordingly.  

    None of the foregoing is intended to be an endorsement of Clemens … if he broke the rules … but rather an indictment of the Obama’s propensity to adjust the rules to suit their own supporters.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    G. Daylan: Inasmuch as the Prez is able , through Harry Reid, to keep Paul Ryan’s  budget from even reaching the floor for a vote, it is naive of you to suggest Obama is not in control of the economy.  You may also recall that his Stimulus and ObamaCare was shoved through Congress when he had a super majority.  Bush was not faultless, but the worst things that occurred during his administration have more to do with Dodd, Frank and their left-wing colleagues than they have to do with Bush. 

    Burt

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DGT5LFXDWHPKRWLSI2WPBXIGXE Wil

      The democrats never had a supermajority, in 2009 they had 58
      Senators, in 2010 57. You need 60 Senators to have a supermajority. And, lets not forget
       Bayh and Nelson. Please stop the lying!

  • G. Daylan

    It truly amazes me that all of  you comment on the economy as though the president is in control of it.  Presidents can only suggest, it is the Congress that passes the laws that bring about  economic changes.  As to the Bush vs. Obama economies, the really massive downward shift in the  econnomy under Bush’s presidency came about following the 2006 election when the Democrats took control of Congress and Pelosi and Reid began to take Bush apart.  Bush’s main fault is that he fell for some of their schemes and became a “Compassionate Conservatime” aka a RINO. 

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Lonesome Dove: I appreciate your bothering to take Wil out behind the woodshed, but facts and logic won’t dissuade him.  I have given up on him because he comes across like one of those OWS louts chanting and urinating in the streets.  You can almost smell him from here.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DGT5LFXDWHPKRWLSI2WPBXIGXE Wil

    Burt, Look at historical facts to see which policies work and which policies
    fail.

    Here is what happened after 12 years of a republican congress and 6
    years of an entire republican government­­:

    Between Jan 20,
    2001-2009 under Bush’s policies of deregulati­­on, lax law
    enforcemen­­t and a 15% tax rate on stock profits for wealthy people:

    Unemployme­­nt doubled from 4.2% to 8.2%
    Budget went from a 236
    billion surplus to a 1.2 TRILLION deficit (a 1.4 trillion drop)
    National debt
    doubled from 5.7 trillion to 10.6 trillion (a 4.9 trillion increase)
    Dow
    Jones plunged 25% from 10,587 to 7949
    Gasoline tripled from 1.44 to 4.11 per
    gallon (peaked July 2008)
    Economy losing 700,000 jobs monthly
    Economy in
    total freefall

    This is called “common sense conservati­­­ve
    government­­­” No thanks!

    • 1LonesomeDove1

      Unemployment went from 5.7 to 5.0 under 8 years of Bush.
      After the bi-partisan stimulus program, it went from 5.0 to 9.4.
      After unemployment benefits ran out, it went from 9.4 to 8.1 because the record of people looking for jobs dropped when their benefits ran out and they were no longer being reported.

      The budget went from $3.4 trillion billion to $4.9 trillion under Bush. Under Obama it went from $4.9 trillion to $6.3 trillion

      Under Obama there will be $3.73 trillion — total spending this year. With $46 trillion — total spending over the next decade.

      When President Bush took office on January 20, 2001, the national average gas price was $1.46 per gallon. Six and a half years later, on August 27, 2007, the national average gas price had jumped to $2.76

      A gallon of gasoline in the U.S. rose from $1.83 on Jan. 19, 2009, a day before Obama took office, to $2.83 on April 19, 2010, the day before the oil spill, EIA historical data shows.

      What Will posted is called Wil’s skewering of the facts, because he’s a lying regressive party hack.

    • cmacrider

      Wil:  Its a tragedy that Art Linkletter has passed on … he had a show called “Kids Say the Darndest Things”.  You would have been a continuous source of material for Linkletter. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DGT5LFXDWHPKRWLSI2WPBXIGXE Wil

    Burt, I remember Bush inherited a healthy economy and took it to the crapper. 
    You’re funny Burt, but not in the ha ha sense.  

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Paul: I beg to differ.  The smartest thing he ever said was “Yes!” when 10 minutes after he was dumped by NPR, he was offered $2 million to come bore the viewers at Fox.

    Burt

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Borden/1075346246 Paul Borden

    The most intelligent thing Juan Williams ever said was “yes” to something Dana Perino said.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Tdivison:  Yes, you have it right, I’m afraid.

    Rick: I have never heard Juan Williams say anything intelligent, but, to be fair, I find I often drop into a coma when he starts to speak, so I may have missed it.  As for Ailes, I have no idea what his overall game plan is.  For my part, I record everything I watch on TV.  That way, I can fast-forward through all the commercials.  But when it comes to O’Reilly, I also fast-forward more often than not through Geraldo Rivera, Alan Colmes, Marc Lamont Hill, Juan Williams and Leslie Marshall, not to mention his endless references to “Killing Lincoln” and all those letters from people who know they’ll get theirs read if they tell him how great his books are or let him know they’re watching his show from Peru, Tibet or the North Pole.

    Burt

  • Bruce A.

    Burt.  I find your comparision of parrots to liberals highly insulting to parrots.

  • Tdivison

    Let me see if I understand this: Pro baseball is a game that grown men play. Eric Holder has the time and resources to go after Roger Clemons for alegedly lying about how he played a game. This is the same Eric Holder who cant even figure out who under his supervision authorized Fast and Furrious, which is not a game but real life in which people died. Have I got this right?

    • Nancye

      I’ve wondered what the government has to do with Roger Clemons.  Don’t they have more important things to do?

      And yes, you got it right!

      BTW, what about the lying Obama and Eric Holder have done the past 3 1/2 years?  Huh?

  • Rick Johnson

    Every once in awhile, Williams says something intelligent. It always surprises me completely! Frankly, I think Ailes knows exactly what he’s doing. If you’ve noticed; Williams, Colmes, Beckel, and other liberals are all way too obvious. I think Ailes wants us to see liberals as liars and/or buffoons. Personally, I didn’t need any help.