Poll-ish Jokes

Burt hopes you’ll enjoy this special bonus article, and he hopes you’ll also enjoy The Left-Wing Laundromat.

I don’t believe the polls that insist that Obama is ahead of Romney. This isn’t just wishful thinking on my part, either. It simply doesn’t make any sense that Obama would be doing better in any state than he did in 2008, especially when you realize that he was running against McCain, one of the worst campaigners in history, and that he now has to run on his own record.

I have heard a lot of questions about the polls this time around. Some people are claiming that they’re heavily weighted towards Democrats and that some pollsters are even in the tank for Obama, trying to discourage Republicans from even leaving the house on Election Day because the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

Let me tell you why that doesn’t make any sense. We conservatives who live in California go out and vote in every election even though we know that our candidates have next to no chance of winning, whether they’re running for the presidency or a state office. We vote because we take voting seriously and we want our voices heard. Also, some of us believe in miracles and are hoping for divine intervention.

The truth, though, is I believe that the polling propaganda is far more likely to work against Obama than it is against Romney. After all, if the Democrats are convinced that Obama is a shoo-in, they’re far more likely to sit out the election because they are just naturally more shiftless than Republicans.

The difference between the two presidential hopefuls can be seen in the crowds they address. Romney speaks to tax-payers, Obama speaks to college students and welfare recipients.

Romney gets applause by telling people that he will diminish the debt; lower the tax rate; boost the economy by freeing up the energy industry; cut the EPA down to size; and get small businesses going again. Obama gets cheers by telling his crowds what they can expect from his goody bag in his second term.

For his part, it seems to me that Obama has spent more time on college campuses as a politician than he ever did as a student.

Being, by nature, an optimist, the upside as I see it is that when most countries have a leader as vile as Obama, it generally takes a bloody revolution to get rid of him, but in America, all we have to do is vote for the other guy.

I am convinced that the only reason that the election figures to be close is because our media is so corrupt that it puts one in mind of the lackeys who lick the boots of the dictators who run China, Russia and North Korea. I swear, if Romney and Obama each had a benign mole on his cheek, the media would refer to Romney’s as a cancerous growth and to Obama’s as a beauty mark.

I know it’s rude to dismiss an entire group of people as dummies, but when over 90% of blacks continue to troop out and vote for any lunkhead with a (D) after his or her name, the choice is to be either a liar or discourteous. I mean, how disconnected from reality do black Americans have to be to continue supporting Democrats? Are they really unaware that the Ku Klux Klan was a gang of sheet-wearing Democrats? Don’t any of them realize that Jim Crow laws were enacted and enforced by Democrats? Has nobody told them that Abe Lincoln was a Republican or that it was Democrats who refused to pass anti-lynching legislation or that most of the opposition to Civil Rights legislation came from the Democrats in Congress, including Al Gore’s daddy?

Even if they’re a little weak when it comes to history, surely they can look around and notice that the cities they inhabit, year after year, decade after decade, are the most poverty-stricken, crime-riddled, in America and inevitably have Democratic mayors.

Democrats say all the right things and do all the wrong ones, but that seems to be good enough for black voters. If they ever woke up and began to think for themselves, they might notice that the Democrats not only take them for granted, but treat them like their personal bitch.

If black Americans ever stopped selling out their birth right for food stamps and other picayune bribes, they might come to understand that liberals are the best friends they never had.

Finally, I have to admit that when some really dumb person agrees with me, I begin to have second thoughts about my position. So, how is it that it never occurs to Barack Obama that if the likes of Samuel Jackson, Bill Maher, Madonna, Chris Matthews, Juan Williams, Joy Behar, David Letterman and Conan O’Brien, are singing your praises, it might be time to consider the very real possibility that you’re dead wrong about everything?

Now that you’ve enjoyed this special bonus article, Burt hopes you’ll also enjoy The Left-Wing Laundromat.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Tsav672000

    Burt,
    Great line about Obama spending more time on college campuses now than he did in college. Had to copy and paste to my FB status, please don’t sue me for infringement.

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Tsav:  Sorry, but I have to sue.  Otherwise everyone will start stealing my stuff.

      Burt

  • Big B

    Great article Burt, actually laughed out loud.
    Going to have to get your book.

    Hope Ryan kicks ass tonight.

    Big. B.
    San Diego

    • Deny916

      I ordered Burt’s book last week Big B–but it ain’t getting here fast enough!

      I’m looking forward to this debate too, and I agree with you completely!

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Big B: I think the ass kicked himself in the ass last night.

      Burt

  • Deny916

    Burt that whole article was WELL SAID!!!!! 

    Veep debate is on TV tonight!  That should be very entertaining.  I have a feeling that you could coach Biden for 10 weeks and it ain’t gonna make much difference!

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Deny: Biden is who and what he is.  He’s a verbal thug.  And like Obama, he can’t point to a record of accomplishment, so he will try to insult Romney through Ryan. I don’t believe it will work.  Biden, like Obama, has grown accustomed to addressing union members, college students and welfare recipients, groups prepared to applaud even when he insists that Romney wants to put black people in chains.  I don’t see how that type of rancid rhetoric is going to work in a V.P. debate.

      Burt

  • Artlouis

    What you say about the old Deep South Democrats is correct, of course, but the tide turned after RFK got MLK Jr. out of jail, and LBJ rammed through his Civil Rights legislation.  (No full names needed.)

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Artlouis: The tide actually began turning when FDR put millions of blacks on the dole during the 1930s.

      Burt

  • Basehitz

    “I swear, if Romney and Obama each had a benign mole on his cheek, the media would refer to Romney’s as a cancerous growth and to Obama’s as a beauty mark.”

    Do Barry’s moles give Chris Matthews a chill up his leg?

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Basehitz: Do you really need to ask?

      Burt

  • Ike

    Burt way to take the ‘politically incorrect’ but sound stance about black Americans. They are being played as fools and haven’t the slightest idea. The pied piper has a dangerois tune. What can Americans do to help literally unshackle an entire body of people lies to from birth? Certainly not education…as that is a liberal stronghold. Despite the promising outlook of Romney i’m very concerned about my generation of electorate (I’m 25). Republicans need to show fervor in redefining their values, starting with young people. Perhaps more options for education aside from Public Schools would help. God bless you for residing in Cali and having now shame of your beliefs. Excellent article keep up the good work!

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Thank you, Ike.  Conservatives who send their children to public schools should be arrested for child abuse.

      Burt

      • Wheels55

        Burt, I will disagree with you on that one. Public schools are what parents make of them. Kids having conversations with their parents, not just about politics, but also religion, sex, drugs, etc., is key. Short of home schooling, you can’t keep liberals away from a kid’s life (even then, the kid grows up and sees the big bad world a little less prepared). Conservative parents have a tougher road than a liberal parent. Liberal parents will let the public schools teach their kids everything
        I recall my daughter coming home one day from high school and talking all about Al Gore’s Incontinent Truth that she watched that day. I then asked her to find out what the science teacher said. She didn’t know as this was a civics teacher. So, we talked about it. I then showed her many examples of various forms of media being unfair. She never looked at Gore, Michael Moore and the media the same way again. She may not end up being 100% Republican, but she will not be anyone’s fool.

  • Wheels55

    This just in: Big Bird is a racist.

  • http://twitter.com/tp0908 E Pascal

    It’s disconcerting when you get that impression why many of the uninformed population tend to favor Obama.  It’s almost always unintelligible response.   Romney’s supporters are more articulate in their assessments and many of these people voted for Obama last election.  

    • BurtPrelutsky

       E. Pascal:  I agree that it’s very discomforting to realize that my vote is canceled out by one of those layabouts we see lined up to receive their free cell phones or one of those tots who thinks that in their mid-20s they should be treated like children who are entitled to be covered by their parents’ health insurance.

      Burt

  • Wheels55

    Obama won in 2008 due to perfect circumstances: Lousy economy took over the dialog, Obama had no record – not even in the Senate, he said and promised comforting things, he ran against McCain – one that couldn’t sell himself, Obama followed Bush – Republicans had mud in their eye, Obama had the history making deal going for him – him being black (or at least partially black).
    Now the lousy economy still exists, but Obama has a record on that and it isn’t pretty. He is up against a guy that is hard to dislike unless you tell lies about him. There is no more history to be made unless re-electing a black is a big deal. So, it is no small wonder that Obama and his followers can only make excuses and lies.
    It will amaze me if Obama wins.

    • CCNV

      I think obummah’s gasping for air. Big Bird ads? Campaigning on Nickelodeon? (I bet he was able to answer ‘almost’ every question asked by this audience.) Even the lame stream media is questioning their savior.

      I fully expect a temper tantrum and complete meltdown at the next debate. Watch for the flaring nostrils…

      • Wheels55

        I can hear it now: when Obama loses, Americans who didn’t vote for him will be racists and Mrs. Obama will no longer be proud of this country. No lost sleep about that here.

        • BurtPrelutsky

           Mrs. Obama won’t be, but I will be.  And, really, isn’t that what really matters?

          Burt

          • Wheels55

            When the Obamas retire from public service in January, I suggest they move to Greece so they can live the life they craved here in the States.

      • BurtPrelutsky

         CCNV: The next presidential debate will be a townhall affair, so I don’t know how Obama will react in that setting.  I don’t think he’s going to want to be seen responding angrily to a question from someone who isn’t Mitt Romney.

        Burt

      • CCNV

        UPDATE: Big Bird just dumped obummah.

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Wheels: I agree.  Now I bet you’re worrying.

      Burt

  • Porkbevr

    Good article, Burt and spot on.

    • BurtPrelutsky

       Pork:  Thanks.

      Burt