Satire: Per Chris Matthews: You’re Likely a Racist if…

…you have an ancestor who lived during the seventeenth, eighteenth or nineteenth centuries.

…you like the Beatles hit, Chains.

…you watched the Science Channel’s show explaining black holes.

…you’ve ever eaten any fruit from the Cucurbitaceas family.

…you ever listened to Earl Scruggs play the banjo.

…you ever mentioned a city with a minority population of more than 10 percent.

…you live more than twenty-five 25 miles outside New York, Washington, Los Angeles or San Francisco.

…you don’t enjoy professional basketball.

…you don’t like quesadillas.

…you’ve ever heard of Gone with the Wind.

…you favorite golfer isn’t Tiger Woods.

…you enjoy black eyes peas.

…you put white sheets on your bed.

…you like Bing Crosby’s White Christmas.

…your first and last names contain more than one ‘K.’

…you’ve ever read a novel with a blackmail sub-plot.

…you use the word Mississippi in any context other than associated with the river

…you don’t use Black Diamond strings on your guitar.

…you prefer a whiteboard over a blackboard.

…you, as a child, enjoyed the Cisco Kid on TV.

…your great-grandfather was a blacksmith.

…you’ve read accounts of Hollywood blacklisting in the late forties and early fifties.

…you prefer concrete over blacktop freeways.

…you’re not offended by this satire.

…with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy.

Author Bio:

graduate of the Grady College of Journalism at the University of Georgia, Rodney authored “Leading Your Business to the Next Level,” a non-fiction business book in 2005. “Powers Not Delegated” is Rodney’s first foray into fiction; the book meshes his knowledge of history, business and current events to produce a relevant and plausible tale of domestic and international intrigue. Additionally, Rodney writes political commentary on his own blog and for other nationally known blogs/websites. Rodney lives in Atlanta. His passions include hiking, photography, history, reading, and, of course, University of Georgia football.
  • Wheels55

    … if you like your fish blackened
    …if you only wear black in the winter (seasonal racist)
    …if you don’t like Neil Young’s “Southern Man” or you do like Lynard Skynard’s “Sweet Home Alabama”

  • Wheels55

    What you be talkin’ about, Willis?

  • PATTY

    “Say…WHAT?

  • robin in fl

    chis matthews is a  TRUE racist and loves to ‘stir the pot’..and frankly my dear,i don’t ‘give a damn’ what him ,or ones like him think,or think they know!

  • captdot

    Matthews is truly a racist himself. During the primaries, he said that Romney
    only needed to appeal to the lowest IQ, talking about the Southern
    Republicans. So, he is biased against Southerners. Doesn’t matter what
    color, race is race.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1829112656 Pav Sterry

    What if you said……….
    ‘There is nothing more painful to me at this stage of my life than to walk down the street and hear footsteps and start thinking about robbery, then look around and see somebody white and feel relieved.”

    • patty

      Haha…OR that it’s not  Chris Mathews!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dave-Koffer/1020263329 Dave Koffer

    matthews is absolute vile, ultraleftist LYING, HYPOCRITICAL garbage…..he’s truly pathetic.

  • Maryjoe

    Matthews is an IDIOT!!!

  • Berryraymond

    There can be only one definition for racisim.  Any white person who belongs to the Republican Party.  I just love how the left has caused all white people who disagree with any black person on the face of the earth to qualify any statement that disagrees with a black.  Example:  I don’t like President Obama ‘s energy policy, however I do have a lot of black friends and they often eat dinner at my house.  What the hell was that all about.  Otherwise intelligent people make statements just like the above.

  • greatj

    Matthews like the rest of M.S.N.B.C.takes their orders from Obama and the Democratic party  and is indoctrinated to attack all Republicans and Conservatives.They will say and do anything to get Obama reelected.Matthews is sick mentally and emotionally and must be committed.

  • bonaparte3

    NBC lost the last relatively fair journalist with the death of Tim Russert. Now only Mathews, Ed Schultz & Rachel Maddow operate on the Obama Channel.

    • Berryraymond

      Tim Russert was just as bias as any of those who infest MSNBC today, he was just not as overt. 

  • George Brockman

    …if your TV provider carries Fox News.

  • http://shawmut.blogspot.com/ Dave O’Connor

    Matthews speaks with depth of experience; as from a puddle of a light rain.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/2Q3UK3SZ23ED6FUW3X3MUO2TVM Daniel

    Chris Matthews can apparently pull racism out of thin air. I guess he’s a liberal Psychic. I can’t count the times I have heard him say ” This is what He/She/ They, really meant”

    • Pruzoo

      I don’t think it’s thin air, probably closer to the spot where his Obama tingle ends.

      • Deny916

        THAT was a good one Pruzoo!  I evn go it on the first read. :)

  • sendtheclunkerbacktochicago

    Only a true racist would know what a racist is.  Chris Matthews is a hard core racist, always was and always will be.   I hope and pray that MSNBC does not fire Chris Matthews or any of the other racists on that network.  They need to be there so that America can know how utterly pathetic journalism has become today and how utterly pathetic the CE)s of the State Run Media have become.   

  • bobemakk

    The primary news commentator Chris Matthews spews out crap every day.  Why does his network allow him to do this?  Fire him.

    • Patty

      They (media) hang on to their own. If they ‘field’ them…they could get lost…they sit at God’s  LEFT hand…like the goats of the field.  Chaf burns brightly.