Shut Up, Eric Fehrnstrom!

Burt’s got more than usual to say this month and you get the benefits! Please enjoy this bonus article. And when you finish, please be sure to read: “Hunting Liberals for Their Pelts.” -ed.

As some of you know, I tried for months to get Team Romney to put me on the writing staff. Although I saw signs of Reagan in Romney’s decency and good nature, the things I didn’t find were those memorable lines in his speeches that conveyed both his sense of humor and his vision for America.

But that was then and this is now. I no longer want to be merely Romney’s speechwriter; I want to be what is known as a senior campaign advisor. I want him to dump this guy Eric Fehrnstrom and give me the job. It’s not just that I’m uncertain whether America can survive another four years of Obama, and it’s not just that I have a five dollar bet on Romney, it’s this gut feeling I have that Fehrnstrom is a mole working for the other side.

The first time I even became aware that this guy existed was when he went on a TV talk show and mentioned an Etch-a-Sketch campaign. The upside is that it hiked sales for the toy, but, unfortunately, it also provided Romney’s primary opponents with a prop with which they pummeled him. At the time, I told my wife that in the future, Romney should make certain that Fehrnstrom is never again allowed to appear on TV and that his future responsibilities be limited to pizza runs for the grown-ups.

Instead, I woke up one morning recently to find this chucklehead insisting that ObamaCare is a penalty, not a tax. Thanks to Chief Justice Roberts, Romney and all the other Democrats running for election this November were handed a campaign issue to end all campaign issues, and Fehrnstrom decided to spend his time trying to defend RomneyCare. Perhaps someone should remind this schmuck that Mitt Romney isn’t running for governor of Massachusetts. Nobody cares what he did there. Except for those people who happen to live in Massachusetts, it’s a non-issue, and, for all I know, those goofballs like RomneyCare.

It does raise the question: What is the difference between a senior campaign advisor and a rutabaga? Answer: The difference is that the rutabaga wouldn’t do everything in its power to sabotage the guy who owns the farm.

Another question is why the Republicans feel this need to employ people with unpronounceable names. I mean, compared to RNC honcho Reince Priebus and senior campaign turncoat Eric Fehrnstrom, “Prelutsky” is as easy as pie.

Although I still believe that in spite of surrounding himself with a certain number of incompetents, Romney will be elected this November, the downside is that the riffraff who answer to Obama won’t simply vanish from the scene. A number of his adjutants, including Jay Carney, will no doubt wind up as big shots in the media. An even larger number will end up in academia, where the likes of Valerie Jarrett, Kathleen Sebelius and Eric Holder, will follow in the footsteps of William Ayers, Bernardine Dohrn, Angela Davis and Van Jones, poisoning the minds of the dumb and easily impressionable with left-wing claptrap.

Speaking of the Obama administration, I just learned that among the nearly 500 people taking their marching orders from Barack and Michelle is someone known as the White House calligrapher. I’m not sure what his duties are, but I imagine this person creates scrolls handed out to the various creeps, cronies and campaign contributors, that presidents inevitably refer to as distinguished friends and guests. For the fancy handiwork, this White House staffer is paid almost $100,000-a-year. Although I don’t know who this person is, I’m certainly willing to bet another five dollars that he’s voting for Obama. And not just once.

Because people are inclined to claim that every presidential election is the most important one in our lifetime, it’s always tempting to dismiss it as mere hyperbole. But when you consider the nature of our enemies, the weapons at their disposal, and our weakened position, both economically and militarily, under Obama, I think this time it’s a legitimate pronouncement.

That is why I am praying that November 6 will be the day that Obama gets his comeuppance. My joy will be unbounded, as it always is when it’s someone other than myself to whom what was coming, finally gets here.

Still, even if Eric Fehrnstrom is sent packing between now and then, I know it won’t be nearly as easy as it should be to defeat Barack Hussein Obama.

Frankly, it’s an inscrutable mystery to me why tens of millions of Americans who have witnessed the radical transformation of America by this former-and-future community organizer are so darn eager for more of the same.

I guess this is simply one of those times when the inscrutable masses definitely should be scrute.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Send your comments to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • markesq

    Goldberg’s a whack job.   As is Fehrnstrom.   Two peas in a pod!

  • Markabaird

    It is always easier looking in from the outside.

  • BurtPrelutsky

    Wally: I doubt if I would make a good president, but I certainly would not surround myself with buffoons like Fehrnstrom.  (It’s scary that I can now type that man’s name without checking.)

    cma: I like Romney, but it is possible that he seems to be far more concerned with playing defense than with scoring points.  Even with the MSM in Obama’s corner, between Fox, talk radio and some of these blogs, it is certainly easy enough for him to get your message out.  That would be especially the case if Romney would take a page out of Reagan’s book and start coming up with lines that resonate and occasionally even amuse.

    GlenFS: I think the problem with political campaigns is that candidates like to go with the tried and true.  And because it’s such a small circle, the same mediocrities get to go from campaign to campaign.  Joe Trippi, who is all over Fox News these days, ran a bunch of presidential campaigns for Democrats, and even though none of his candidates ever won, Trippi gets to pass himself off as a political savant for no better reason than that his guy never ran worse than second in a two-man race.

    Burt

  • wally

    Burt I would vote for you. Good luck.

  • cmacrider

    Burt:  Good column.  I have the nagging feeling that Romney is surrounded with too many political technocrats.  They seem obsessed with the idea that if they stick to vanilla  … the election will be a referendum on Obama’s record which they seem to think will axiomatically turn into a victory.  They seem content to let Team Obama frame the debate while they fend off his scurrilous attacks on Romney.  I haven’t the foggiest notion as to why they have not painted Obama as an incompetent left wing ideologue who simply is not equipped to deal with the current economic challenges.

    I understand that the campaigning takes on a greater significance after the convention but if you control the puck in the first and second periods and keep the puck in the other guy’s end of the rink … you usually skate out for the third period with a lead.  That forces the opposition to take offensive risks which almost invariably leads to insurance goals.   The Romney team seems content to let Obama stick handle all over the ice and take shots on net at his leisure.  Having said the foregoing, I hope to God I am entirely wrong in my assessment.

  • GlenFS

    Burt,

    Perhaps Mr. Romney would be willing to share Mr. Feh…strom’s special talents with the Obama team.  In the spirit of fair play, patriotism and the future of our great country he could work half time for both campaigns.  Or perhaps Mr. Romney feels that Mr. Obama has done so much visible damage that he must even the odds somehow.  If the latter is the case, I suggest tying a hand behind his back instead.

    Really though, it’s time for his campaign to have the best.  Too bad they fail to see talent such as yours.