I miss those days of innocent reality tv shows like Love Connection when the worst you saw were two contestants sheepishly admitting having sex with one another on their first date. At least back then, they and the host, Chuck Woolery, feigned embarrassment. Now, you have the Jerry Springer/Maury Povich crowd who readily admit to situations like “I was artificially inseminated with my twin-sister’s boyfriend’s transgendered nephew’s sperm before his operation. Should I tell my boyfriend he’s not the baby daddy?” There seems to be no end to the number of people who are “worthy” to be Springer/Povich guests.
Some of the following range from ridiculous to outrageous to unbelievable. I couldn’t even begin to rank them in terms of boneheaded-ness so I’ve listed these numbskulls in no particular order. You make the call.
A man in Honolulu is suing a South Korean company, NCSoft Corp., for emotional distress and misrepresentation for developing its video game “Lineage II.” He alleges the company failed to include a warning about the danger of addiction and that he wouldn’t have bought and played the game if he knew he would become addicted to it. He claims his addiction to the game left him unable to function independently in his usual daily activities such as getting up, getting dressed, bathing or communicating with family and friends.
New Jersey residents, Heath and Deborah Campbell, found themselves in the dependency system when a supermarket refused to decorate a birthday cake for their son. Why? Because their son’s name was “Adolf Hitler Campbell” and his siblings were named “JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell” and “Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.” As a prosecutor in the Los Angeles dependency courts, I, too, came across plenty of stupid names like “Female” pronounced “Fä mä lē” or “Vagina” pronounced “vä gee nä.” Giving your children stupid names isn’t grounds to take them away from you. There’s got to be a “risk of serious injury to their children” before the state intervenes. Sometimes I think the law ought to be changed.
Earlier in the year, the FDA found it necessary to warn the public that swallowing an over-the-counter medication, meant to be rubbed on the skin, can have harmful effects. There were reports that people were experiencing unconsciousness, hallucinations, and confusion after “mistakenly” swallowing Benadryl Extra Strength Itch Stopping Gel. Apparently, the product didn’t carry a warning “for skin use only.” I’ve always been amazed at the warnings I see on products and wonder why they’re necessary? Now I know.
A woman in Bethlehem, PA, was cited for harassment after her 26-year old son called the police and reported his mother cleaned a bathroom in the house with his toothbrush and then returned it to its holder. You decide who’s the bonehead. While the story drew some mixed comments, many did not favor the son’s over-reaction: ”26-years old and still at home?” “You’re a bit too old to be living with mother and calling the cops on her just because she used your toothbrush to clean the toilet you wouldn’t clean!” “Seriously dude, find a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, and……..move in with her/him.” I’m surprised he didn’t complain to the police his mother stopped breastfeeding him.
There’s the mother of Zander, the 5-year old boy who’s a beauty pageant contestant. I have a problem with children’s beauty pageants to begin with and the whole “Toddlers and Tiaras” thing gives me the creeps, but this little guy has, in his short life, been in at least 60 pageants and doesn’t like to lose because, “my mom might be sad.” Need I say more?
Katherine Gundelfinger managed to gather enough signatures in western Massachusetts to put a measure on the ballot to allow females of any age to be unclothed from the waist up in public anywhere males are allowed to be similarly undressed. I haven’t a clue what this woman was thinking, but seventy percent of the citizens of Pittsfield, MA thought this was a boneheaded idea and voted against it.
And, finally, the pro-abortion crowd, who apparently isn’t aware that abortion is legal in this country but are concerned, nonetheless, about the new conservatives in Congress, who took to Twitter under the hashtag “Ihadanabortion.” So, while we’ve all heard abortion proponents scream about a woman’s right to privacy, these knuckleheads don’t feel at all inhibited about talking about their abortions on the internet for all to read. Their rationale: to dispel the stigma surrounding an abortion. According to one report, a woman “live-tweeted” her abortion. I haven’t a clue how that’s done but I don’t want to know. Apparently she was not only applauded for her actions, but was told that women should thank her. While some might say it’s empowering, I say it’s abominable.
I’m not sure if there are just more really dumb people out there, or more who crave attention and want their fifteen minutes of fame or more who are just plain clueless. Perhaps it’s because the internet provides twenty-four hour coverage of stories like these.
All I know is that I sit in front of my computer day after day and shake my head and say, “I don’t get it,” but if you do, God bless you.
Copyright © 2014 BernardGoldberg.com