Lunacy Reigns

How is it that ISIS, numbering fewer than 10,000 Islamic cretins, can pretty much overrun Iraq and instill fear throughout the entire Middle East and here in America? And while we’re on the subject, why haven’t we signed them up to deal with Iran, Russia and North Korea?

As for Iraq, where Obama saw fit to squander American lives and treasure by simply packing up and walking away, I say the most sensible resolution to a problem involving Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds, is to divide the one big cesspool into three smaller cesspools. In the past, the hang-up has been that each sect insisted on winding up in possession of the oil fields. My solution is to put their three names in a hat. The winner gets the oil, the other two get casinos.

I would also like to see America divided into two parts. Our part gets the Constitution and the rule of law; the other guys get Obama and liberalism. The difference between the two groups is obvious. Our side would have gotten the Christian woman out of a Sudanese prison cell and the Marine out of a Tijuana jail within 24 hours, or the bombs would have immediately begun falling on Khartoum and Mexico City.

Another illustrative failing of liberalism is that in the five years since Obama was elected, the thugs at the EPA have come up with 2,839 new regulations, every one of which was intended to destroy our economy and increase unemployment by placing stumbling blocks in the way of industry. Any business owner who still has his head above water these days is a magician. And any federal agency that comes up with nearly 50 regulations every month, nearly two-a-day, including weekends, is an agency that should be eliminated from the face of the earth.

Another tipoff that the feds shouldn’t be running a damn thing is that the private sector fires its executives at a rate six times that of the public sector. Seriously, does anyone really believe that civil servants are as smart, as capable or as honest, as those employed in the real world, let alone six times as smart, capable and/or honest.

In spite of constantly being shot down by the Supreme Court, the alleged constitutional scholar in the White House, Barack (“Mr. I’ve Got a Pen and a Phone”) Obama, in the words of my friend Steve Maikoski: “Continues to ignore his constitutional duties, not just to respect the limitations of presidential power, but to take care that the laws of the land are faithfully executed.”

With disgusting regularity, Obama and his bitch at the Justice Department, Eric Holder, refuse to enforce those laws, such as the Defense of Marriage Act or the ones dealing with illegal drugs and illegal aliens, which they happen to disagree with; and to arbitrarily re-write others, such as the Affordable Care Act.

My biggest concern isn’t even with Obama, but with an electorate that continues to approve of the job he’s doing by managing to ignore the havoc he’s wreaking. From my vantage point, it seems that while he keeps giving us wake-up calls, 40% of Americans keep hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.

Obama lies about our getting to keep our doctors and our health insurance, lies about Benghazi, lies about the VA, lies about the IRS, and then lies about lying, and the response of most Democrats is to pull the blankets over their ears and….zzzzzzzz.

The truth is that it’s hard to find good news anywhere these days. For instance, when he was campaigning in 2012, Obama kept reminding us that Osama bin Laden was dead, but G.M. was alive. General Motors, which began being called Government Motors, thanks to Obama and the Democrats bailing out the members of the UAW with our tax dollars, has now had over three million cars recalled because of their lethal ignition systems. So a more appropriate mantra would be: Osama bin Laden is dead and so are at least 13 people who were foolish enough to buy GM cars.

You would think that UCLA would be sufficiently embarrassed to be known as my alma mater without going out of its way to make a public spectacle of itself. But such is not the case. The school recently hosted a workshop titled “Finals Can Wait, Masturbate,” where students were to receive training in the practice of what used to be called self-abuse. As if that’s not bad enough, what’s this younger generation coming to that they can’t do both at once?

Between having to spend more time with doctors than with friends and suffering the general aches and pains that go with aging, getting older is already bad enough. But what’s with the shrinking? When I was 60, I was 5’7. When I hit 70, I was a tad over 5’6. Now I’m 74 and I’m 5’5 ½. At the rate I’m going, by the time I hit 80, I’ll be able to play the Mayor of Munchkinland in a re-make of “The Wizard of Oz.” And when I die, they’ll probably be able to bury me in a shoebox like a pet parakeet.

Speaking of dying, a reader, who claims not to be a conspiracy theorist, is convinced that in 2016, Bill is going to mysteriously drop dead, resulting in Hillary’s receiving a huge sympathy vote.

I said it will all depend on how Bill goes. If he suffers a heart attack, she’ll no doubt get a sympathy vote. On the other hand, if she shoots him, she’ll get my vote.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • bebop.tachikoma

    “or the bombs would have immediately begun falling on Khartoum and Mexico City.”
    And THIS is why the U.S. won’t break into 2 parts. Because left to your own devices (and stupidity), you’d start WW3 over 2 people.
    You have not the presence of mind, nor the intelligence to govern yourselves without being a threat to the civilized world.

    Isis on the other hand, will end up like Al Qaeda: being thrown out on their asses by the Sunni rebels after they achieve their ONLY common goal: to oust Maliki.

  • Concernedmimi

    Remember the piece on FOX showing the workers at GM getting high at lunch time on drugs and alcohol? No wonder they’ve had so many re-calls!!!! And how arrogant Mr. phone, pen and banana is inviting Republicans to ‘Sue Me’. He knows the idiotic dem. party is backed by most of the corrupt liberal lawyers!!!!! That is also why he is pushing the billions for immigration judges and lawyers (liberal) no doubt!!! What a joke, this PHONY is!!!!!!!

    • doc holiday

      I remember many years ago when I was a new supervisor in a very large company (you had to drive a golf cart to get from one end to the other) well they had fired this girl for some lunch time hanky panky) and the union fought it. in the end when all of the management and union leaders were in the boardroom the union leader made the statement that the girls (yes two of them) were on break at the time, management came back that it was not acceptable anywhere in the company, the union said “so you would fire anyone that broke this rule even management” the responding answer was yes. At that point the union boss dumped as basket full of photos from some of the pass company parties showing various upper management engaged in sex with employees. Needless to say, the girls were not fired and they no longer had company parties.My point is you could probable find some of those company execs doing similar things if you worked at it and I am not saying its ok.

    • brickman

      They have this recall because some bean counter decided to save 52 cents per unit on a cheaper ignition unit. I know, 2 have already busted in my Saturn.

  • Benmaxcon

    I disagree about Hillary. Bill should shoot her. She’s the truly evil one.

  • DanB_Tiffin

    “private sector fires its executives at a rate six times that of the public sector.” I did not know that, but I sure believe it! It shows!

  • chuck.tatum

    Under that last sentences scenario, Hillary’s got my vote too.

    • GomeznSA

      Sorry chuck, they’d have to shoot me to get me (along with a few million other dead folks, who no doubt already have ) to vote for her……………