“Seeking Answers” and “Hey, Dude”

H.L. Mencken, who was referred to as “The Sage of Baltimore” by people besides H.L. Mencken, at least until he shared his Nazi sympathies, at which point they began referring to him as “The Loony Tune of Baltimore,” once observed that “For every complex question, there is an answer that is simple, obvious and wrong.” And every day, the left-wingers in Congress and the Oval Office prove how right he was.

Whether the question revolves around how best to deal with health care, Vladimir Putin, Islamic jihadists, the economy, environmental zealots, the IRS, the Veterans Administration or racist thugs like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Eric Holder, the current administration, against extraordinarily long odds, somehow manages to be wrong every single time.

One of the problems with our society is that we insist on corrupting the language in order to promote some fool’s political agenda. So, for example, we are all supposed to use the term “gays” even though there is no legitimate reason for “homosexual” to be regarded as offensive, as would be the case with, say, “fag” or “queer.” If “heterosexual” is perfectly acceptable in polite society, why not the other?

An even goofier example is “African-American.” In common usage, it means that some black man who was born and raised in Detroit and a fellow born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, but now living in New York City, neither of whom ever got within three thousand miles of the dark continent, are both African-Americans, but a white guy born in Johannesburg and now living in Cleveland, isn’t.

I think some people choose not to believe in God simply because they prefer ignoring the possible repercussions if He actually exists. After all, nearly everyone would like to believe he or she is a moral human being or at least fool others into thinking so. But we have all seen what happens to people such as Donald Sterling when their dirty little secrets become grist for the public’s mill. And I continue to believe that a great deal of the anxiety surrounding the secrets possibly collected by the NSA can be traced to people’s fears that their reliance on the Internet to fuel their porn addiction might someday become public knowledge.

But if God is omnipresent and omniscient, nobody’s secrets are really safe. Therefore, if some folks are ever going to get another good night’s sleep, the solution is to convince oneself that God is nothing more than a pipedream, no more real than Rumpelstiltskin or the Easter Bunny.

In their desperate attempt to hang on to the Senate, the Democrats continue to push for raising the minimum wage from seven bucks and change to $10-an-hour, ignoring the fact that very few employers are going to fork over $400-a-week to a person doing a job that a monkey could be trained to handle.

Because liberals know that as well as I do, they play up the argument that people can’t raise a family on $7-an-hour, ignoring the fact that a minimum wage was never intended to support anyone, least of all a family. Instead, it was solely intended for high school and college kids, who were expected to come away with a few dollars in their pocket, along with a few life lessons involving what it takes to get a job, do a job and keep a job, at least through an entire summer vacation. Nobody was ever encouraged to think of it as a career.

What will Obama do next? Encourage teenagers to unionize and demand their parents raise their allowances to $10-an-hour?

I am not always in agreement with Sen. Rand Paul, but I certainly agree with him when it comes to his bill calling for the U.S. to cut off financial aid to the Palestinians, who recently joined forces with the terrorist group known as Hamas. Ironically, the bill died in the Senate, not because of Harry Reid for once, but because it was opposed by the American Israel Public Affairs Committee. It seems that AIPAC, a major lobbying group for Israel, believes there is a good reason to continue funneling our tax dollars to those out to exterminate Israel and who aren’t that crazy about us.

There in a nutshell is the reason, verging on a phobia, behind my reluctance to join groups. By and large, I have found them to be governed by their lowest common denominator, individuals I wouldn’t trust to pick out my socks.

And, no, in case you were wondering, I am not only referring to those groups led by the unsavory likes of Harry Reid, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner.

HEY, DUDE

I was delighted that by a 5-4 margin, the Supreme Court recently decided it was constitutional for city governments, such as the one in Greece, NY, to open its public meetings with a prayer. It’s not that I’m religious, but I am always happy to recognize and praise commonsense on those rare occasions I encounter it.

Speaking of the Court, I wrote a letter to Chief Justice John Roberts a couple of months ago. I was waiting for him to respond before sharing it, but he seems to be preoccupied with other matters, which, I suspect, includes dealing with Sonia Sotomayor’s hissy fits. Boy, talk about your sore losers!

“Dear Chief Justice Roberts: By way of introduction, I am a conservative who has spent nearly two years defending your shocking vote on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act.

“As I saw it, your vote, which gave your daffy colleagues a 5-4 margin of victory, was dictated by a number of things having nothing to do with its constitutionality. One, having seen the consternation over Roe v. Wade and the Court’s ruling in George Bush’s favor in the 2000 presidential election, you didn’t wish to embroil the Court in yet another controversy, one that would overturn legislation passed by the majority in the House and the Senate, even though the vote was along strictly partisan lines.

“For another thing, you were well aware that the 2012 presidential election was just a few months off, and you decided that if ObamaCare was as unpopular as it appeared to be, the people would elect Mitt Romney and perhaps a GOP majority in the Senate, and they would quickly move to repeal it.

“I would appreciate it if you would either confirm or deny my theory. I hope I haven’t misjudged you during all this time, and that you didn’t really believe the bill was constitutional in spite of the very thing that Obama and the Democrats denied it was; namely, a tax.

“And as long as I have your attention, who exactly would have the necessary standing to bring Obama’s three dozen arbitrary – and unconstitutional – changes to his signature piece of legislation before the Supreme Court?

“Keep up the usually good work. Regards, Burt Prelutsky”

A reader of mine wondered if Barack Obama gave a speech in the middle of the woods and there was nobody there to hear it, would he still lie? My guess is that he would, or if he was otherwise occupied on the golf links, Jay Carney would lie for him. Their motto, after all, seems to be “practice, practice, practice.”

Abubakar Shakar, the leader of Nigeria’s major terrorist group, which recently kidnapped over 250 school girls, has made a video on which he announced, “I abducted your girls. I will sell them in the market, by Allah.”

In the meantime, the man Obama recently invited to the White House and is proud to call a friend, the Sultan of Brunei, just announced that he is introducing Sharia Law in a nation where 20% of the population is not even Muslim. Therefore, we can soon expect to hear that infidels by the truckload are being stoned to death, along with adulterers, homosexuals and, no doubt, anyone caught reading a book, painting a picture or practicing the Meringue.

I realize I’m asking for a miracle, but wouldn’t it be swell if just once some Muslim, any Muslim, would say or do something decent in the name of Allah?

When ex-White House spokesperson Tommy Vietor paid a visit to Bret Baier’s “Special Report,” and was asked about the role he played in changing the talking points about the Benghazi massacre, which laid the blame for the deaths of four Americans on some silly video, he feigned forgetfulness and then, under Baier’s prompting, explained, “Dude, we’re talking about two years ago.”

It should be pointed out that Vietor, he of the short attention span, started out driving the press van for Senator Obama, and apparently did such a great job of parallel parking that President Obama couldn’t wait to make him the mouthpiece for the National Security Council. To be fair, I suppose when a 33-year-old is still calling himself Tommy, instead of Thomas or Tom, you have to expect he’s going to still be calling grown-ups “Dude.”

On the other hand, Obama, who’s in his 50s, never refers to “people,” “ladies and gentlemen” or, God forbid, “my fellow Americans.” With him, it’s always “folks.” It’s his typically heavy-handed way of pretending that, in spite of all the pricey vacations that he and the missus take on our dime, and all the time he spends hobnobbing with the superrich at his non-stop fund raisers, he’s really just another regular guy. Or “dude,” if you prefer.

Although, I think “dud” is more like it.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Concernedmimi

    I really enjoy reading all your articles, Burt. They pretty much affirm my same sentiments. Just keep telling it like it REALLY is.

  • David S. McQueen

    Burt, it’s been a while since I used to read your comments on Townhall.com. I see you still have the knack for putting words together and creating common sense. Regarding the name change for homosexuals (now “gays”): as a Libertarian-Republican, I wonder why we’re “supposed to” use different terms and “forbidden” to use other words, all of which mean the same damn thing. Also, recently, there’s been a movement to change “prostitution” to “human trafficking”. I remember a long time ago some guy named Orwell wrote a book about a totalitarian society in which “newspeak” was the method of controlling and changing the language so that eventually, no one could commit a thought crime because there’d be no words to express it.

  • Jeff Webb

    Burt, I understand what you meant about that nimrod Vietor’s name, but in all fairness, that never suggested similar idiocy in people like Tommy Lee Jones, Johnny Carson, Joey Bishop, Jackie Robinson, Jackie Cooper, Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Eddie Van Halen, or Eddie Albert. : )>

  • http://www.facebook.com/chuck.anziulewicz PolishBear

    “We are all supposed to use the term “gays” even though there is no legitimate reason for “homosexual” to be regarded as offensive, as would be the case with, say, “fag” or “queer.” If “heterosexual” is perfectly acceptable in polite society, why not the other?”

    Perhaps it’s simply because “Gay & Straight” sounds a lot less unwieldy than the much more clinical-sounding “homosexual & heterosexual.” The term “Gay” has been coming to increasing use as a synonym for homosexual over the better part of the last century. But don’t worry about it, Bernie. You don’t have to say “Gay” if you don’t want to. Feel free to say “homosexual” if you like. Hell, even if you want to call me a “sodomite,” it’s no skin off my back.

    • http://johndalybooks.com/ John Daly

      Bernie didn’t write this column. Burt Prelutsky did.