“Liars, Damn Lies & Democrats” and “Fairy Tales For Grown-Ups”

When I say I can’t imagine anyone being a Democrat, I mean it as a compliment and not an insult. That’s because I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I honestly can’t comprehend how so many seemingly normal and relatively decent people can stomach the endless lies they are expected to swallow.

For instance, those promoting the notion of income inequality between the sexes continue lying about women earning just 77 cents for every dollar a man earns for doing the same job even though they know they’re lying. For one thing, they refer to comparable jobs when we all know there is no such thing. Each job is unique, calling for different skills, different levels of education and even different hours. If they actually believed the nonsense they spew, at some point they would have to say, “Bosses must really hate women if they’re willing to hire men and pay them so much more.” But that is a sentence that not even Obama has ever dared utter because even for him it is beyond loony.

Speaking of loons, we should never forget that it was Jimmy Carter who helped to unleash Islamic terrorism on the world. He did this by pulling the Persian rug out from under the Shah of Iran and opening the door to the blood-thirsty mullahs. That’s not to suggest the Shah was a nice guy, but, aside from Bibi Netanyahu, there are no nice guys running things in the Middle East. Instead, he was, like Mubarak, a strong man who was only too happy to have America on his side.

Now that Hillary Clinton has unofficially kicked off her 2016 campaign with a book tour, I can’t wait for her to travel south of the Mason Dixon line so I can once again hear her dropping her g’s and referring to the good old days when she used to dine on collard greens and sing spirituals every Sunday in a black Baptist church.

I know that Hillary has come in for a great deal of ribbing over her silly remark about how poor she and Bill were when they left the White House, but the fact is that most presidents are already wealthy when they move in. Harry Truman was the last ex-president who didn’t end up a millionaire through humongous book deals, outlandish speaking fees or finding himself on a bunch of corporate boards. There is nothing, after all, that corporations like more than throwing money at an ex-president so they can use his name to dress up their letterheads.

According to an AP news item, some New York hookers have been scamming rich men at strip clubs by spiking their drinks and then running up thousands of dollars on their credit cards. For my part, I call it the redistribution of wealth, and surely rich New Yorkers can’t possibly object. After all, most of them not only voted for Obama, but attended his $35,000-a-plate fund raisers.

All I have to say about comprehensive immigration reform is that the Democrats promised Ronald Reagan to build a wall at our southern border back in 1986. That’s even longer than it’s taken Obama to okay the Keystone pipeline. It’s time they either put up or shut up. As for Obama, considering how much time he spent yakking about shovel-ready jobs, it seems odd that he’s so reluctant to actually green light them when he finally has the opportunity.

Speaking of which, a gag going around the Internet is that the Taliban has named Obama Man of the Year for releasing five of their commanders. At least I assume it’s a gag. On the other hand, he is certainly more deserving of this honor than he was of the Nobel Peace Prize, which he received solely in recognition of his pigmentation.

As for our southern border, how is it that those unaccompanied kids from Central America after traveling all the way through Mexico look better-fed, better-dressed and better-rested than I do?

The problem that Democrats run into when they try to deflect criticism of Obama by insisting that George W. Bush did the same thing or worse is that many of us in the GOP held his feet to the fire at the time. Unlike Democrats, we Republicans don’t pretend our standard bearers should be confused with God.

Recently, a reader mentioned that job security seems to be a thing of the past in America. I replied that when it comes to real security, nothing can match that of a black member of Congress. Once in, nothing short of death can unseat them. Even when they’re caught in criminal activity, like tax cheats Adam Clayton Powell and Charley Rangel, their constituents admire them all the more for, as they see it, sticking it to Whitey.

That reminds me that at Paul Robeson High School in Chicago, where they boast that 40% of their freshmen graduate, they held a prom which had as its slogan “This is Are Story.” It suggests that the 60% who drop out aren’t missing a whole lot.

But it also tells you something about the folks in charge of things in Chicago that they’d name a high school after Robeson, a Communist who, in 1952, proudly accepted the International Stalin Prize. Then, to top things off, after Stalin’s death the following year, Robeson wrote a piece titled “To You My Beloved Comrade,” in which he praised the mass murderer’s dedication to peace, and concluding with the whimsical notion that Stalin, “through his deep humanity and wise understanding, leaves us a rich and monumental heritage.”

As if it wasn’t bad enough that a baker in Colorado was forced in violation of his religious beliefs to provide a wedding cake for a same-sex marriage, he was also ordered to attend a sensitivity training program and to provide “progress” reports to the Colorado Civil Rights Commission.

Ah, for the good old days when it was only the Soviet Union that went in for such re-education programs, with all the classes held either in Siberia or in the bloody bowels of Lubyanka Prison.


FAIRY TALES FOR GROWN-UPS

While liberals are always blaming Republicans for the plight of black Americans, what they never do is hold black Americans responsible for their own troubles. Instead they pretend that 2014 America is the spitting image of 1814 Alabama. They tsk-tsk over poverty in urban communities, but never utter a word about the 71% illegitimacy rate in those communities or the fact that one-third of black males don’t even bother graduating from high school.

It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out that when a young male grows up without a father in the home and then refuses to even get a basic education, he will grow up to be one of two things – a criminal or a lifelong welfare recipient. In other words, he will either be a menace to society or an ungrateful drag on it.

Or, in the words of William B. Stoecker, the pride of Sacramento, “Leftist rhetoric consists of beautiful lies concealing ugly truths.”

Speaking of ugly, is there a rule that Democrats have to be able to crack mirrors at 50 paces in order to rise in the party ranks? God knows I’m no looker, but when you consider Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Maxine Waters, John Conyers, Henry Waxman and James Carville, aka “The Cajun Cadaver,” it’s hard to avoid thinking that they’ve somehow reversed the Dorian Gray curse; in other words, while the portraits stashed in their attics look okay, their true character is inevitably mirrored in their own debauched faces.

A friend of mine, Art Hershey, forwarded me a list of little known facts regarding WWII. For instance, the youngest American serviceman was 12-year-old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded, but given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. His benefits were later restored by an act of Congress. That proves that at least once in our lifetime Congress did something worthwhile.

At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top U.S. Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced ‘sink us’), the shoulder patch of the US Army’s 45th Infantry was the swastika and Hitler’s private train was named ‘Amerika.’ All three were soon changed for obvious reasons.

German ME-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City, but they decided it wasn’t worth the effort. I say it’s never too late.

Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. It seems that 21 troops died during the assault. It might have turned out far worse had there actually been any Japanese on the island.

The last Marine to die during WWII was done in by a can of spam. He was a POW in Japan when rescue flights dropping food and supplies came over. One package came apart in the air and a can of spam conked him in the head. I always knew that stuff could kill you.

John Evans, a Tea Party conservative hailing from Kingwood, Texas, sent me the following email: “One of your recent articles brought to mind the story of the fellow who asked a lesbian to explain what being a lesbian was all about. Upon hearing that her interests in women were identical to his own, he determined that he must be a lesbian, too.

“As I see it, through my federal taxes, I help finance hundreds of loony liberal causes, not the least of which are public sector unions that in turn support liberal politicians. I pay school taxes, which the teachers unions siphon off to support liberal politicians. I buy movie tickets, the profits of which benefit Hollywood liberals, who, in turn, donate to liberal politicians. Therefore, I guess I must not only be a lesbian, but a liberal.

“If all of this isn’t sad enough, since I’m a conservative who opposes the liberal nonsense, I must pony up even more treasure to try and defeat them. This is all very depressing. I think I’ll take a nap.”

From Wesley Forgue, I received an email that read in part: “Here in Central Ohio, I am told by the hospital system that 40,000 children go to bed hungry every night, and only by my contributing to the food bank will they get something to eat. Is it possible their parents never heard of the SNAP program?”

My response: “I doubt it, Wesley. I think poor people in America are very savvy when it comes to receiving free stuff, be it food, housing or even more outrageous, tax refunds. But the question that occurred to me when I first heard about how widespread school breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner programs are, is why aren’t these children removed from those homes? I mean, if parents can’t even provide a school kid with milk, cereal and a banana, for breakfast, what else aren’t they providing? Heat? Clothing? How about a bed and blankets?”

The overriding question is what constitutes child abuse these days. Will you only risk arrest if you deny your offspring unlimited minutes on his cell phone?

Finally, I have definitely decided on my preference for the GOP nomination in 2016. I’m getting behind Dave Brat. Anyone who can bury House Majority Leader Eric Cantor in spite of being out-spent 50-1 is definitely the person I want to see send Hillary the Harpy packing.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • Concernedmimi

    Thanks for the laugh, Burt. Needed it to keep the blood pressure down!!!hahaha

  • GlenFS

    Brilliant and funny as usual, Burt. Sharing to FB.

  • Porkbevr

    Hilarious, Burt, keep up the good work.