Mistakes & Other Misdemeanors

Over the course of writing 1,400 articles, I have made some mistakes. Liberals would insist that each of the 1,400 is jam-packed with them, but they’d only be taking issue with my opinions and my conclusions.

I’m not claiming that even conservatives agree with me all the time or that all of my jokes are gems, but I can only recall two instances when I’ve made factual errors. The first time was when I griped that Mitt Romney garnered fewer votes than John McCain. I also fell hook, line and sinker, for the hoax about Obama’s opening gas stations in several inner cities where poor people could fill up their gas tanks for free.

In the first case, I had apparently based my belief on what I thought were final election returns, but weren’t. In the second case, I can only say that it sounded so much like what Obama does on a regular basis – namely, dispensing favors in exchange for votes – that I saw no reason to be skeptical.

But honesty compelled me to come clean in subsequent articles, much as I hated doing so.

So why can’t Senate Democrats simply admit that ObamaCare is an unmitigated disaster? I’m obviously not referring to the poor dumb clucks who will be up for re-election this year and are running from the Affordable Care Act the way Ernest Hemingway and his drunken cohorts used to run from the bulls in the streets of Pamplona, frightened it’s their ox that will be gored in November.

Why can’t Obama stop misusing his presidential authority by altering the bill every five minutes? Why can’t Pelosi stop making us laugh by insisting that the Democrats will actually run on ObamaCare because we will have all come to love it by next winter? Do they really think we haven’t noticed that they keep delaying the vilest portions of the law because they know it’s as toxic as nuclear waste?

Perhaps worst of all was listening to Harry Reid label actual cancer victims liars simply because they’ve gone public over the additional horrors they’ve been forced to deal with because of Obama’s signature piece of legislation. To top it off, Reid, who’s something of a cancer on the body politic, then announced on the slimy floor of the Senate that he had never done any such thing.

For what it’s worth, Fortune magazine’s recent list of the 100 greatest leaders in the world was topped by Pope Francis, and included the likes of Angelina Jolie and Derek Jeter, but there was one notable exception: Barack (“Watch me lower the oceans and heal the planet”) Obama.

In related news, the Nobel Committee has sent out two guys named Sven and Olaf to take back Obama’s Peace Prize.

Speaking of Francis and Barack, the Pope took a vow of poverty. The President, on the other hand, obviously took one, together with the missus, of royal excess and extravagance.

Obama, who never gets tired of locking his lips on the rump of something he lovingly refers to as the International Community, now wants to relinquish America’s control of the Internet to this mythical beast. Next on his agenda is giving the Statue of Liberty back to France and returning Alaska to Russia.

When the stupid and naïve whine about a do-nothing Congress, my inclination is to suggest they take two aspirin and go to bed. That’s because it recently came to light that for every law that Congress passes, the bureaucrats add, on average, 51 regulations. So is the problem that some of you can’t get enough of Washington’s sticking its nose in your business? If so, just say the word and I’ll come over and check out your closets, drawers and medicine cabinets.

As if it’s not bad enough that we tend to elect really stupid people to high office, a recent study disclosed that Washington, D.C., has the highest consumption of alcohol in the nation. On average, they go through 34 liters of the stuff every year. In distant second place came New Hampshire with just 20 liters. With all the crap going on in Washington, you’d think it would be the rest of us who’d be guzzling ourselves into a stupor.

In other news, the response to the Supreme Court’s recent decision lifting some of the limits on campaign contributions had me shaking my head. No sooner was the decision handed down than Democrats were gnashing their teeth and the Republicans were breaking out the confetti and noisemakers.

I know that the left-wing propagandists portray Republicans as wealthy fat cats and Democrats as the downtrodden, but so far as I know, the majority of billionaires are on the Left. On our side, we have Sheldon Adelson, Donald Trump and the Koch brothers. But they have George Soros, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Paul Allen, Mark Zuckerberg, Ted Turner, David Geffen, Tom Steyer, Oprah Winfrey, not to mention the unions, trial lawyers, Hollywood and the music industry.

It’s my guess that the Right has been snookered once again and the tears those on the Left are shedding are of the crocodile variety.

Speaking of the Left, as despicable as they are, sometimes you simply have to sit back and admire their sheer audacity. For instance, imagine devoting a part of the campus at the University of Michigan, Dearborn, to an artistic celebration of abortion.

I grant that’s not the least bit audacious. On an American college campus, it’s commonplace. What raises it to a new level of audacity, not to mention hypocrisy, is their daring to call it “a life-sustaining” event. But, on second thought, I suppose that’s in keeping with calling those creeps who celebrate 500,000 abortions a year as “Pro-Choice,” which is only one step removed from referring to other gruesome acts as “Pro-Rape” and Pro-Child Molestation.”

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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/