How do I hate Barack Obama? I might spin Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s immortal words and say, “Let me count the ways. I hate him to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.” But even that doesn’t quite cover the contempt I have for this past and present community agitator.
Fifty long years after Martin Luther King suggested we judge a person by his character, this slug is still waging race warfare. While we are all well-aware that he is basing his entire re-election campaign on separating Americans and playing to wealth envy, religious differences and even engendering gender divisions, it is his insistence on stoking up racial hatred that makes him the archenemy of everything decent that America represents.
Only Obama would have made the openly racist Eric Holder his attorney general. Only Obama would have remained silent when Holder refused to indict the Black Panthers for voter intimidation. Only Obama would have said that Trayvon Martin reminded him of the son he never had.
On the other hand, only Obama would have remained silent when his cohorts, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, converged on Sanford, Florida, and incited the black mobs to demand George Zimmerman’s bloodied head on a platter. Only Obama would have prevented his Department of Justice from demanding that the Black Panthers be indicted for offering a bounty on young Mr. Zimmerman, dead or alive.
Only Barack Obama would encourage his re-election team to connect Mitt Romney to polygamy when it was Obama’s own Kenyan father who was still a married man when he tied the knot with Obama’s mother. Of course it soon turned out to be a slip-knot when the bigamist scurried back to Africa, leaving wife number two and child behind.
Only Barack Obama would encourage his re-election team to tar Romney for having conveyed the family dog on his car’s rooftop, which was not only safe, but provided the dog with all the wind in his face that every dog craves, when, by his own admission, young Obama had dined on dog. Which in certain civilized circles, is comparable to cannibalism.
According to his book, “Dreams From My Father,” Obama’s stepfather, Lolo Soetoro, belonged to a brand of Islam that believed that a man took on the powers of whatever he ate. One can’t help wondering if in his dreams, Obama chases cats.
Although in 2008, Harry Reid boasted that Obama doesn’t speak like a black man and Joe Biden topped him by alerting us to the fact that Obama is clean, the silliest thing anyone ever thought to say about him is that he’s a genius. I’m not even alluding to his contention back in ‘08 that he had visited 57 states and only had one more to go, or his references to the Austrian language and the U.S. Marine Corpse. But I am suggesting that for a man who regards diplomacy as his strong suit, telling the presidents or prime ministers of Denmark, Norway, the Philippines, Ireland and Holland, that their little nations all “punch above their weight,” indicates that he has either let his membership in the Cliché of the Month Club lapse or that he has hired a very lazy relative to be his speechwriter.
Lest anyone think those gaffes are the exception to the rule, Obama has also announced on 11 different occasions that the United States has no stronger ally than Australia, Poland, Great Britain, Germany, Denmark, South Korea, Israel, Holland, France, Italy and Japan. Frankly, I think he is showing undiplomatic favoritism to Holland and Denmark by telling the world that they are not only our strongest allies, but that they also punch above their weight.
Would someone who is even slightly brilliant tell 11 different countries that they are his very favorite? Does he really think that these countries don’t talk to each other, even if it’s not in Austrian? Doesn’t it even occur to Mr. Tact that Germany and France are always on the verge of a major spat without anyone’s needlessly provoking a cat fight? Doesn’t he realize that a young woman who carried on the way he does would be referred to as the town slut?
Finally, as if any additional evidence were required to prove that Obama is only the smartest man in the room when he’s standing in a very small closet, during his highly trumpeted visit to the Summit of the Americas, he tried to show himself on the side of Argentina when he referred to the Falkland Islands as the Malvinas. That happens to be the Argentine name for the British crown colony they have long coveted, and over which Margaret Thatcher, with Ronald Reagan’s blessing, went to war.
This is the same Argentina that recently showed its dedication to democratic ideals by nationalizing the nation’s largest oil company and banning foreign books.
But, as is his wont, Obama displayed his vaunted brilliance by calling them the Maldives, which is an actual group of islands, but one that’s located in the Indian Ocean, not the Atlantic, and is nowhere near Argentina.
So, at one fell swoop, Obama not only stabbed the Brits in the back, but made America an even bigger laughing stock than the horny Secret Service agents had done by turning Hotel El Caribe into the most infamous brothel in the world.
As if it’s not bad enough that we are constantly told that Obama’s IQ is too high to be accurately measured, his wife recently told a crowd in Nashville, Tennessee: “This president has brought us out of the darkness and into the light.”
If one is to believe certain eyewitness reports, as the collection plate was being passed among the Obama faithful, the blind could suddenly see, the lame got up and tap-danced and the dead all registered as Democrats.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com!
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Author Bio:Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
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