The Mysterious Appeal of Polygamy and Obama

I have never watched a TV series called Big Love, which deals with a polygamous family, so I have no opinion of the show. However, I was at a dinner party recently where a few people were discussing it. Nothing, I hasten to add, that was said made me want to tune in. Besides, between an occasional old movie, Bret Baier, The Factor and keeping up with the New York Yankees, I’m already watching more than enough. But it did get me thinking about the practice of polygamy.

Morality aside, I don’t see why it ever appealed to Mormons or Muslims. If you think about it for two minutes, you can see that it makes no sense. If anyone is going to have multiple spouses, it should be the woman, not the man. A man, after all, is a simple creature. By nature, he is not a multi-tasker. Working at the top of his game, he can barely manage to maintain a civilized relationship with one wife. The very idea that he is capable of keeping up with three or four or more wives makes me laugh.

For one thing, a normal wife doesn’t even want another woman setting foot in her kitchen and certainly not in her bathroom. For another thing, any time a polygamous husband hears laughter in his house, he knows who the ladies are laughing about. Worse yet, he has a pretty good idea what they’re laughing about.

On the other hand, a woman could easily juggle six or seven husbands. To start with, if she married wisely as well as often, she could have one husband who enjoys going to museums, another who likes going shopping, a third who like to travel, a fourth who lives to go dancing, a fifth who shares her belief that Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet is the greatest book ever written, a sixth who never gets tired of seeing Jennifer Aniston movies, and so forth. What’s more, at those times when the woman just wants to be alone, there are enough guys around for a poker game.

On a totally unrelated matter, I have to confess that when I heard how badly Time and Newsweek are doing these days, I had something of a religious experience. You see, I suddenly recalled that back in the 1970s, when the news magazines took a break from warning us about the coming Ice Age, they took great delight in announcing the demise of God. Well, as in the case of Mark Twain, apparently those reports were somewhat premature. With Time and Newsweek sounding their own death rattles, it appears that once again God is having the last laugh.

Speaking of God, have I mentioned lately how much I despise Barack Obama? Understand, it’s not just his politics I hate; it’s the man, himself.

This is the guy who silenced John McCain at what was supposed to be a bi-partisan meeting of the minds by giving him a look that might have turned a man who hadn’t survived several years at the Hanoi Hilton into stone, adding, “The election is over, John,” just in case the senator had somehow missed the contemptuous sneer.

Obama is the guy who is totally out of sync with the American public on everything from the stimulus to card checks to cap & trade to health reform and the Ground Zero mosque, and arrogantly assumes that he, alone, knows best.

This lunkhead, who is taking bows for bringing home soldiers from Iraq, lacks even the grace to acknowledge that while he and Sen. Joe Biden were voting against the surge, George Bush made it happen. I’m sure it doesn’t matter to Obama that it was thanks to the surge that, for a change, our warriors are coming home proud and victorious, not vanquished and depressed. But it makes a great deal of difference to the troops, to the families of those who never made it home and to those of us who actually believe that most of the nations of the world owe America either gratitude or an apology, and not the other way around.

Finally, I don’t care what religion Obama claims he follows. To my mind, being a Muslim would be an improvement over being the sort of person who’d attend Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s racist church for 20 years and have the gall to call himself a Christian. However, I am getting sick and tired of hearing that the reason he’s on the links and not in a church on Sunday is because he doesn’t want to be a distraction. If he’s so darn concerned about disrupting the lives of garden variety Americans, maybe he could stop flying into one city after another to raise money for the DNC. Perhaps from now on, he could simply send the fat cat Democrats a video, the way he did with the Boy Scouts.

It seems odd that the man who is so concerned about a few necks being stretched to catch a glimpse of His Fatuousness as he plants his royal rump in a church pew never seems to give a second thought to tens of thousands of commuters who are stuck in traffic jams so that he and his Teleprompter can get to yet another fund-raiser for Barbara Boxer or Patty Murray.

Still, I can’t help finding it a bit ironic that the man who obviously believes he can walk on water and multiply the loaves — although his own approach is to take loaves from those who have them and hand out them out to those who don’t have them and aren’t inclined to work for them — feels that his mere presence would create mass hysteria inside a church, of all places.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky
Write to: BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.
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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • TOMMY FREEDOM

    RUMOR KIM KAR-TRASHIAN HAS A HAREM OF NBA BASKETBALL
    PLAYERS

  • Caroline Pemberton

    Burt that was the funniest part of my dreary day. I have disliked this arrogant arse since I first saw him as a young Senator on CSPAN. I am totally sick of him now and the only way I survive is by reading humor and yours was primo! Thank you so much.

  • Mick

    What a facile and juvenile attempt to link Obama and polygamy. Considering the lead in, one would get the impression that the writer would at least give us his supposition as to why they both appeal, but he does’nt. Mr. Prelutsky drones on about his apparent confusion on polygomy and then lets us know in no uncertain terms, (no confusion here) how much he despises the President, not only his policies but personaly as well.
    Why not run a whole series on the subject? Just change Polygamy to any of a multitude of subjects that most Americans dislike or abhor.

    The “Mysterious appeal of Drugs and Obama” “The Mysterious appeal of pederasty and Obama” , “The Mysterious appeal of Homosexuality and Obam” , I could go on, but I think most get my point.

    One other point of note is that Mr. Prelutsky seemed offended that President Obama gave Senator McCain a bit of comeuppance when he alluded to the recent loss for the Senators bid for the oval office.

    I was offended when Sen. McCain broke into a stump speech in what was supposed to have been a bi-partisan effort to reform health care. It gave one the impression of a doddering old man intent on addressing issues other than the one on the table. Laden with talking points and one sided opinions, rather than facts, the Senator invoked “the will of the people”. Never mind that 67% of the “people” at the time indeed said healthcare needed to be reformed.

    Instead of looking at this as an opportunity to actualy do some good he and the rest of the Republicans at that table chose to use it as a politcal tool for themselves. Props and political rhetoric instead of discussion and solutons.

    One country I suppose that is neither grateful nor in a mood to apologize is Guatemala. I find it moronic to expect a country to genuflect to those that have purposely and secretly infected your populous with a disease as dreadful as syphilis. Here to I could go on.
    Does this mean I hate America? Hell no… I love my country. I just don’t think we should be doing s**t like this or torture. We still are a “shining example” we just need to shed a little light on some dark places in our past and present.

  • trinity

    I thorougly enjoyed reading this.

  • Juan

    Bravo! Excelente, Senor Prelutsky!

  • http://xlerma.wordpress.com/ Xavier Lerma

    Great stuff as usual!

  • JDO

    The guy named DOTUS (Dog of the United States) after himself, for Narcissus’ sake! Do we need to know more?

  • Elias

    Dear Mr. Goldberg,

    Just as I agree with many of the things you have said, I would like to add, that more than the half of the Americans elected President Obama.
    I am sure you don’t despite them all. . .

    In my opinion, the real responsibles for all this situation are “ignorance and greed.” “Ignorance,” for not knowing who we are. and “greed” for not helping when we must.

    I am not justifying President Obama’s ideology, nor have I voted for him; actually, I think he lost an opportunity to be a great leader of this nation.
    Perhaps his intention was to provide some justice to the oppressed, but his idea was wrong. We cannot take from the rich to give to the poor. This is not the way to even disadvantages.

    But it is also true, that we cannot establish a nation on the foundations of people’s poverty, because ultimately these foundations will crumble into pieces.
    It is not the rich who worry me…. they have enough to survive difficult times. It is the middle class and the poor who worry me, because they will end up as “beggars” if we do not do something to help them solve their economic problem.

    You see, regardless of our social and economic differences, ideology, races and languages, humanity is a whole cell. Even if we are independent individuals, we are all together in this. We MUST remember that we are a home, a community, a society, a nation, a world, and whatever happens to one of us finally happen to everyone.

    I am affiliated with the Republican Party, but I firmly believe in justice. I think that one of our duties is to help the poor and oppressed to arise out of their misery. There is no pleasure greater, than to lend a hand to the fallen. “It is in giving that we receive” – Thomas Aquinas

    • Elias

      Excuse my typos; I didn’t proof read my previous article. Thanks

      Dear Mr. Goldberg,

      Just as I agree with many of the things you have said, I would like to add, that more than half of the Americans elected President Obama.
      I am sure you don’t despise them all. . .

      In my opinion, the only responsible for all this situation are “ignorance and greed.” “Ignorance,” for not knowing who we are. and “greed” for not helping when we must.

      I am not justifying President Obama’s ideology, nor have I voted for him; actually, I think he lost an opportunity to be a great leader of this nation.
      Perhaps his intention was to provide some justice to the oppressed, but his idea was wrong. We cannot take from the rich to give to the poor. This is not the way to even disadvantages.

      But it is also true, that we cannot establish a nation on the foundations of people’s poverty, because ultimately these foundations will crumble into pieces.
      It is not the rich who worry me…. they have enough to survive difficult times. It is the middle class and the poor who worry me, because they will end up as “beggars” if we do not do something to help them solve their economic problem.

      You see, regardless of our social and economic differences, ideology, races and languages, humanity is a whole cell. Even if we are independent individuals, we are all together in this. We MUST remember that we are a home, a community, a society, a nation, a world, and whatever happens to one of us finally happen to everyone.

      I am affiliated with the Republican Party, but I firmly believe in justice. I think that one of our duties is to help the poor and oppressed to arise out of their misery. There is no pleasure greater, than to lend a hand to the fallen. “It is in giving that we receive” – Thomas Aquinas

      • Mary Roy

        Totally agree with Thomas Aquinas, however I agree more with the Ten Commandments. “THOU SHALL NOT STEAL”
        America has been the most generous people on earth. But turning able bodied people into lazy morons does not accomplish anything. Let us be the best we’ve always been, innovative hard working productive folks, not sit around waiting for crumbs loosers.

      • Paul Borden

        I agree with the thought that we need to help the poor and oppressed. But that is not the government’s job. It is not my job to support policies that tell others what they have to pay as far as helping. I will decide that, just as the other individuals should. That is where the true reward of helping others comes into play.

        BTW, it wasn’t Bernie who wrote this piece.

  • Bill Porter

    Great article, Burt – although you might also have mentioned our President’s seriously narcissistic traits and how thin-skinned he is as a result.

    Bill P

  • Kenneth Taylor

    Well, this is an article I won’t forget in a hurry. At last I feel more comfortable with my own opinion of your President. I have long been sickened hearing British and other European Leftist politicians quoting Obama and calling themselves Progressives. I remember clearly, not knowing much about the man, feeling disturbed by his posture when taking the oath of office. He really appeared to be contemptuous of the whole procedure. Then, when I heard he had sent a gift from the UK (to G W Bush, a bust of Winston Churchill), back to the UK, I thought to myself, what have the Americans done to themselves and potentially the rest of the world, by elevating this man to the most powerful postion on the planet.

  • Bruce A.

    I really enjoyed this one Burt, more like a rant. I will have to read it a few more times, just for fun.

  • CCNV

    Great article, Burt!! By the way, any truth to the rumor that Obama was complaining that the Oval Office was the ugliest room in the White House, so the Staff removed the mirrors?

  • http://www.townpiper.com Paul F. Thompson

    Bueno!