“The Overrated Art of Diplomacy” & A Bonus!

Liberals like to say that war is the result of people’s failure to utilize diplomacy. I think the truth of the matter is that diplomacy is the coward’s attempt to delay the inevitability of war.

I’m not saying that war has never been averted by the two sides sitting down to swap lies, but I haven’t been able to come up with a single example. Chamberlain went umbrella in hand to convince Hitler to be a good fellow. The Japanese were in Washington trying to soft soap FDR at the same time that their Zeros were bombing our naval fleet at Pearl Harbor.

More recently, the world has held one meeting after another with Iran in the hope of convincing the Ayatollah and the mullahs to cancel their nuclear program. In the meantime, Iran builds additional centrifuges.

Generations of Americans raised on westerns knew that the answer to bad guys was hot lead and plenty of it. But with the passing of time, parents started raising wimps who, when they misbehaved, didn’t get a swat on their butt, but merely a time-out. That involved being sent to their rooms, which, more often than not, resembled a Toys R Us outlet.

Barack Obama, came into office foolishly insisting that he would make all the nations of the world like us. Being a big jerk, he assumed that between foreign aid and his own personality, he would even have our enemies eating out of our hand. Well, we’ve had the five years in which to watch charmer work his wiles. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that we are liked even less now than we were prior to 2009. Individuals can have friends, but nations only have allies or enemies. When your allies no longer trust you and your enemies no longer fear you, you are not only up the creek without a paddle, but your canoe has a hole in it.

Even compared to run-of-the-mill diplomats, Obama runs a distant last. While in Ireland for the G8 conference, our idiot-in-chief disparaged Catholics by insisting that their parochial schools encouraged segregation, while ignoring the major role that Catholic educators played in bringing an end to the war between Catholics and Protestants.

Not one to rest on his laurels, Obama called British finance minister George Osborne “Jeffrey” not once, but three times. When his gaffe was finally pointed out to him, he explained, “I’m sorry, man. I must have confused you with my favorite R&B singer.” It was a natural enough mistake to make. After all, George Osborne is a 42-year-old white Brit and Jeffrey Osborne is a 65-year-old black American.

When I say “a natural enough mistake to make,” I’m referring to natural for this arrogant putz.

I’m not alone in regarding diplomacy as a foolish waste of time. The only worthwhile thing about it is that it provides careers for all those nerds at the State Department who would otherwise be loitering at freeway off-ramps cadging for spare change.

But don’t just take my word for it. Others have weighed in on the subject.

Churchill cracked, “Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.”

Teddy Roosevelt observed, “If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”

John Kenneth Galbraith said, “There are few ironclad rules of diplomacy, but to one there is no exception. When an official reports that talks were useful, it can be safely concluded that nothing was accomplished.”

Ambrose Bierce cynically opined, “Diplomacy is the patriotic act of lying for one’s country.”

Jim Butcher said, “Our idea of diplomacy is showing up with a gun in one hand and a sandwich in the other and asking which they’d prefer.”

Or, as Jocelyn Murray put it: “What good is a smooth tongue without sharp teeth?”

Daniel Pipes summed it up this way: “Diplomacy in general does not resolve conflicts. Wars end not due to peace processes, but due to one side giving up.”

Will Rogers, the sage of Oklahoma, noted that “Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie, nice doggie,’ until you can find a rock.”

All I know is that if anyone really expected results when diplomats congregate, the freeloaders would not be meeting over fancy meals in London, Paris, Brussels, Geneva and the cushy dining room at the U.N.

Instead, they would be forced to gather at the North Pole, and ordered to pack light.

Bonus Article: Black Racism is Alive and Well

As I sit here, it’s only been a few days since the six honest jurors in Sanford, FL, restored a little of my faith in the American legal system. Unfortunately, I have no idea if Eric Holder will undo the good they did by charging George Zimmerman with depriving Trayvon Martin of his civil rights.

This is the same end-run around the constitutional prohibition of double jeopardy that the feds used in charging the L.A. cops with depriving Rodney King of his civil rights after a jury of their peers had found them not guilty.

I have no way of knowing if Obama will give Holder the thumbs-up to make a mockery of the Bill of Rights, but my instinct tells me that Mr. Zimmerman will once again be put through the emotional and financial wringer.

After all, this is the same team that decided not to indict the club-bearing black hooligans who stood outside a Philadelphia polling place in 2008 and intimidated white voters.

There is no doubt that racism is rampant in America. How else to explain all the riots — usually dismissed by the media as demonstrations — by blacks after the jury found Zimmerman not guilty? You don’t see Sharpton, Jackson, Holder or Obama, holding vigils for all those hundreds of black murder victims in Chicago, Detroit and Washington, D.C. That’s because they were killed, as usual, by their fellow blacks, and, obviously, there’s no political advantage to be gained in condemning those gangbangers for depriving their victims of their civil rights.

I have even heard some white knee-jerk commentators state that in spite of the verdict, Trayvon’s legacy would live on. Well, I suppose if being remembered as a drug-dealing, gold-toothed, glowering, gangster-wannabe, can be described as a legacy, they’ll get no argument from me.

But if 14-year-old girls are considered old enough to buy the morning-after pill off the shelf and have abortions without their parents’ knowledge, it’s difficult to listen to a 17-year-old six-footer being eulogized as an innocent child.

What I don’t get is how it is that in addition to the usual race hustlers who pass themselves off as ministers, every black in the House, the NFL and the NBA, have been demanding that Zimmerman be lynched, but I don’t hear about anybody in the Latino community defending the man. I can’t help wondering if the House Hispanics who spend most of their time demanding open borders would have rallied to his side if his last name were Perez, Gomez or Gonzales. Racism comes in many different forms, after all.

For my part, I would like to see Tea Party patriots and the politicians beholden to them demonstrating outside the Justice Department, carrying placards demanding justice for Zimmerman. ObamaCare is definitely a train wreck in the making, but it certainly isn’t the only despicable act by this administration that conservatives should be denouncing.

Finally, I can’t help thinking that if Marco Rubio had a younger brother, he would look a lot like George Zimmerman.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • JohnInMA

    One cynical way to look at the effectiveness of diplomacy is to consider it has worked with North Korea….as long as you’re willing to accept repeated bouts of extortion.

  • Wheels55

    As long as Jackson and Sharpton types exist, there can be no equality.

  • Porkbevr

    Great article Burt, spot on.

  • Brian Fr Langley

    Originally American diplomacy was “not to meddle in the affairs of other nations”. Followed up with, if you mess with us, we’ll mess you up. All in all, a sound policy.