The Race For the White House

As you all know, I will support any Republican — and I mean absolutely any Republican — who winds up running against Obama. That even includes the mastermind who came up with RomneyCare and who subscribes to the myth of global warming. Nobody, and that probably includes any other Democrat, could be as bad for America as the guy who managed to turn “community organizer” into a term of contempt that rivals “used car salesman,” “medical quack,” “ambulance chaser,” “hooker,” “pimp” and “congressman.

How could any patriotic American even consider voting for someone who, in less than three years, has added four trillion dollars to our national debt; has done everything in his power to send energy costs soaring; gotten us involved in a civil war that pits one group of Libyan rats against another group of Libyan rats; and provided a couple of leftist yentas, Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor, with lifetime sinecures on the Supreme Court?

As we start the presidential campaign in earnest, I beg the various GOP candidates to concentrate on Obama and to refrain from providing the liberals with ammunition they’ll be able to use against the Republican nominee.

Provide us with your vision, your agenda and even the Cabinet members on your wish list. Just don’t start harping on how awful the other Republican contenders are. We can decide that for ourselves. Candidates should keep Ronald Reagan’s 11th commandment in mind, not to speak ill of a fellow Republican. In fact, if I ran the party, I would insist that every contender sign a pledge to save his rebukes for the arrogant oaf in the Oval Office. Leave it to people like me to handle the insults.

I confess that I am troubled by the fact that Mitt Romney seems to lead in the polls. Although I will surely vote for him if he winds up getting the nomination, I can’t, for the life of me, imagine why he decided to defend his health plan when all he had to do was say, “It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it didn’t quite work out the way I imagined. I learned from my mistake. Why the heck didn’t Obama?”

God knows Romney looks presidential. He even sounds presidential. Central Casting couldn’t have done better. But I keep imagining a TV spot in which Romney declares, “I’m not actually a Republican candidate for the presidency, but I play one on television.”

Quite frankly, I’m not sure why anyone wants to move into the White House. I’m sure it’s nice to have a bowling alley in your basement, but it’s not that nice. I have always regarded the desire to be president as a sure indicator of insanity. But I have also determined that the huge number of loons in America pretty much limits the available choices. They range from those on the Right who are merely unstable to those on the Left who are certifiable crackpots.

This is a country, after all, where California cities San Francisco and Santa
Monica decide to use Nazi caricatures of Jews in a campaign to out-law circumcisions.

This is a country where some freaks think they have the right to disrupt the funerals of dead soldiers, while other cretins spend their evenings outside prisons, holding candlelight vigils for serial killers about to be executed.

This is also the country where the Richmond Federal Reserve Bank decided it would be a swell idea to run the PRISM banner up its flagpole to take its place just below the Stars and Stripes. PRISM happens to be a group representing gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender, employees of the Bank. Maybe Ron Paul is right about getting rid of the Federal Reserve. Those people are way too crazy to trust around money.

Speaking of crazy, Fred Biery is a federal judge who ordered the Valley Independent School District, in Texas, to prohibit public prayer at a high school graduation ceremony. Judge Biery declared that Christa and Danny Schultz, along with their son, would be done irreparable harm if anyone prayed at the ceremony. Biery didn’t describe the harm, but had he said that he and the Schultzes had once heard the words “God,” “Lord” and “amen,” spoken aloud at a similar event and been immediately struck by lightning, which fried their brains and turned them into drooling zombies, one could readily understand his concern.


©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Author Bio:

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile. Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either. He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.
Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
  • TOMMY FREEDOM

    HERES A REAL RACE, HOLDER HAS A NEW JOB, HES RUNNING AROUND TO EVERY WELFARE, FOOD STAMP, SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE TO SEE THAT EVERY POOR, IGNORANT,
    PEOPLE GET A VOTER REGISTRATION FORM, IF EMPOLYEE FAIL TO GIVE EVERY ONE THE FORM. YOUR FIRED !!!!

  • JohnInMA

    Bert, like so many others who have an obsessive, negative view of “RomneyCare”, you should take a deep breath and analyze the situation rather than be strictly emotional. First, the overwhelming majority of residents approve of the plan – well over 70% so I’ve read. This would also suggest that at least half of those who are NOT getting any subsidy for health insurance approve. It is not a perfect system, and the largest flaw from the start was the missed forecast of how many would jump into MassCare (the subsidized state plan) from the start. Most think it was a classical example of the majority Democrat state congress cherry picking a single low estimate. Imagine that.

    I buy my own insurance, being self employed. I am able to choose from 4 providers and 3 or 4 plans from each. These are private companies – one being non-profit – a local Blue Cross organization.

    There are many legitimate criticisms such as rising costs, and the follow up governor’s mishandling of resolutions to the problems in the whole. And some within MassCare are seeing reduced services such as longer wait times, etc.

    But, it appears, you may be in the group of “purity testers”, and will criticize those who, while they may govern well, do not meet your ideological standards. I assume you prefer another Obama, just someone who meets your ideological purity. Ignore the governed while meeting your ideological agenda.

    Good luck with that one. Should that “pure” candidate get in office, expect a term like Obama’s – contentious and likely short (4 years). Even Reagan knew how to capitulate when needed. I suspect he doesn’t pass today’s purity tests all that well, either. And Romney proved that chameleon-like politicians can be successful. Sure, you have to ask yourself exactly how far their colors might change. But, if you have zero tolerance, you guarantee a country with an elected class more like Pelosi, Reed, and Obama with two disparate ideologies and no desire to compromise at all.