Where You Gonna Run To?

If the radio talk shows and Internet blogs are any guide, the United States could lose half its population after this year’s presidential election. That is how hopelessly divided we  have become politically. After nearly four years of President Obama, there appear to be no Republicans who can abide the thought of another four years. Nor is there a single Democrat who would tolerate a government headed by Mitt Romney. People are threatening to move to other countries if their candidate loses, and they sound as though they mean it.

If the population were to plummet from 300 million to 150 million, that would set us back to where we were in 1950. I was a pre-teen in 1950, and  I remember those days fondly. Everything was better, because the country was far less crowded. I’d like to return to those times, so I hope that Romney wins, and that all the Democrats leave.

In 1950, the number of people playing golf was only half the present total, or maybe less, because golf wasn’t as broadly popular then. You didn’t have to schedule your tee time weeks in advance.  You could just walk onto the course. So a mass exodus of Americans would be good for golfers.

In Los Angeles, now the most traffic-plagued city in the nation,  you didn’t have to pack an overnight bag  to drive to another neighborhood in 1950. People in the Los Angeles area should be rooting for an exodus.

In New York, if you want to enjoy a fireworks exhibition on the East River, there will be only half as many riotous drunks and stoners blocking your view. There will be only half as many muggers in the adjoining neighborhoods. An exodus would be good for New Yorkers.

Emigration would be good for everyone who stays, not only because it would reduce crowding, but also because it would cool down  our political discourse. That would give us a leg up on the folks back in 1950. With Truman in the White House and McCarthy in the Senate, political discourse could occasionally get a tad discordant.

It looks to be a close race between Obama and Romney, so as a  precaution everybody ought to be planning where to go. Make your reservations early. After November 6 it’s going to be hell trying to ger through to the airlines.

For the Democrats, the choice seems simpler than it does for the Republicans. People who support President Obama want to live in a welfare state, with high unemployment, high taxes, socialized medicine, underfunded defense forces, crippling restrictions on business and  uncontrollable swarms of illegal immigrants.  At least I assume that is what they want, because that is what they have been getting, and they still intend to vote for him. If Obama loses, disappointed Democrats could go almost anywhere in the Eurozone and feel at home.

Those Democrats with less conventional tastes might favor Venezuela or Cuba. The left-wing filmmaker Michael Moore probably will go to Cuba if Romney wins — not forgetting to take along the millions of dollars he earned in our free-market, free-enterprise economy. Some years ago he produced a documentary demonstrating that Cuba’s healthcare system was superior to ours, and perhaps the hot-shot doctors there can help him work off his stubborn belly fat.

Alas, as I am writing this, I also am watching a TV news program reporting that Cuba is struggling with a major outbreak of cholera on the eastern end of the island. Cuba’s medical providers have more varied experience than those in the United States, because they must deal  with illnesses that have been consigned to perfunctory footnotes in U.S. medical textbooks. Anyway, don’t forget to bring a face mask, Michael..

Where should Republicans go if, Heaven forfend, Obama wins? There don’t seem to be many countries that would meet their expectations. Rush Limbaugh has occasionally suggested Singapore, the fabled city-state situated between Malaysia and Indonesia.  Despite the remote, exotic location, almost everybody there speaks English.

I did a little research into Singapore.

Not a bad place, actually. It is a republic, just as the United States was before 2009, and has a flourishing economy, as we formerly did. The unemployment rate recently stood at a trifling 2.1 percent.  The government discourages illegal immigration by  beating the offenders with canes and tossing them into jail.

Free-market principles are honored and practiced in Singapore.  This seems to have had a favorable effect, because one in every six households in Singapore is worth at least one million U.S. dollars. The wealthy Mr. Obama himself might fit in nicely there, although he probably would have to cease his constant chatter about higher taxes for the rich — if he doesn’t want to get caned.

The legal system in Singapore is kind of different. There are no jury trials, so John Edwards, Roger Clemens, O.J. Simpson and Casey Anthony might want to think twice about moving there. Outdoor public assemblies are tightly restricted, and require official permits.

According to HotelClub, an Internet travel site, a lot of common behavior that is legal in the United States is illegal in Singapore. You can get thrown into jail for giving someone a copy of Playboy. You can get caned for not flushing your toilet, and you can get fined for selling chewing gum.

On the other hand, abortion is just as legal and accessible in Singapore as it is here. Just sayin’.

Most of the media in Singapore are controlled by the government, so let’s consider that a wash. No real difference between Singapore and the United States.

If you don’t chew gum or peruse Playboy, perhaps the most problematic thing about Singapore is that it is an island, and therefore cannot conveniently expand beyond its present borders. Its  geographical area is less than 300 square miles, which is less than the size of either New York or Los Angeles. It already has 5.2 million citizens, which doesn’t leave much room for refugees from the United States. An influx of 150 million Americans could cause serious overcrowding.

Imagine a couple living in a single-bedroom New York apartment, and then imagine that they suddenly have to provide space  in their apartment for sixty more people. And imagine the same thing happening in every other apartment on their floor, in the building, the block, the neighborhood, the borough, the city. That will give you an idea of the impact that 150 million American refugees would have on Singapore.

So maybe Singapore isn’t the best choice for disappointed Republicans, or at least not for all of them. Maybe there is no best choice.

Better get out there and campaign for Romney!