I Get Letters From People Who Should Be Locked Up

I get a lot of mail from people who watch me on The O’Reilly Factor or have read my books or the columns I post here on my Web site.  Most of it is smart.  That’s the stuff written by people like you.  Some of it is stupid.  Really, really stupid.  That’s the stuff written by other people.

Obviously, it would be a big waste of time to dwell on the stupid emails.  So let’s do it.  Why?  Because it’s fun, that’s why.

After President Obama released his long form birth certificate I got some emails from folks who said they weren’t buying it.

Shirley sent me (and lots of other people) an email that began, “The Joke’s on You America – A Closer Look at Obama’s Birth Certificate.”  Shirley then went on to inform me (and anyone else unlucky enough to be on her mailing list) that the document was phony.

Here’s the opening of her email, which was incredibly well-reasoned for a woman who was clearly off her meds:

“Fellow Patriot,

“President Barack Obama’s long form birth certificate released at last – we knew it was too good to be true.

“In his attempts to quell Donald Trump’s demands for the never-released long-form birth certificate, President Barack Obama may have just landed himself even deeper in the controversy.

“After closer investigation, sources say the document has been altered and that whoever did it wasn’t ever very clever at doing so.”

"We’re not public records experts by any means," Shirley informs us, "but it does not take anything more than common sense to know that President Barack Hussein Obama is trying to pull a fast one on us..."

So let’s see if I understand this:  Barack Obama is so devious that even though he was born in Kenya, or someplace else foreign, he still manages to fool (some) people into thinking he was born in Hawaii, then comes up with a birth certificate that is so clearly fraudulent that even a chucklehead like Shirley who is no public records expert can detect the alterations.

Memo to all:  Anytime you get an email that says it comes from “Shirley” carefully pick up your computer, walk it into the bathroom, and flush it down the toilet.  You can thank me later.

I also got an email from Bill, on the same subject.  This one said, “The document lists the President's father's birthplace as Kenya. But Kenya didn't officially become Kenya until December 12, 1963. The President was born in 1961. Would his birth certificate list a country that wasn't officially a country?”

Bill goes on:  “Before that date, the land was officially British East Africa Protectorate, or simply British East Africa. It was also referred to as Kenya Colony, or the Protectorate of Kenya.  Was it referred to simply as ‘Kenya?’ Yes, in this map of Africa from 1950 [at this point Bill attaches a link to the aforementioned map].

And Bill then writes, “It is conceivable that Kenya was put on the birth certificate instead of the official ‘British East Africa Protectorate’ or even ‘British East Africa.’ I would think at a minimum, it would say ‘Colony of Kenya,’ since that is how it was described in 1961.

“Simply putting Kenya is conceivable, but it does cause me to go: Hmmmmm.”

You know what causes me to go Hmmmmmm, Bill?  The fact that you’re not locked up in the Paranoid Ward of the State Mental Institution.

Not long ago I wrote about the promiscuous use of the word “racist” by liberals to try to silence Donald Trump and anyone else who disagrees with President Obama on just about any subject.  That one earned me an email from Rick, who wrote (and this is the entirety of his post):  “Your a rasist!”

Three words and this dummy gets two of them wrong!

I hope this column generates lots of posts and emails.  But not the regular … normal … kind.  Instead, try to make them as stupid (and funny) as you can.  The winner gets a prize:  a date with Shirley or Bill, depending on your preference.  You can go to dinner and talk about how Barack Obama is a secret agent of the Muslim Brotherhood and stuff like that.

Or, you can go to the zoo with Rick, buy him some ice cream and a balloon and ask if he can spell "Cat."  If he's behaving, spot him the c and the a.