This Just In: Trump Declares War -- on Canada ... Fox Exclusive!
Editor’s Note: This is a non-member column (open to all).
It’s 9 o’clock PM in the east and it’s time for Sean Hannity on Fox.
Hannity: Tonight we open with big, explosive news ... fair and balanced as always ... on this show we hold everybody accountable ... no one, no matter how powerful, is above our scrutiny.
OK, I'm kidding.
Earlier today the wussy prime minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau, made hateful, vile comments about our president, the great Donald Trump.
Trudeau said, and I quote: “I think President Trump is a very smart man … a genius actually. I think he’s a very honest man. And I think he’s one of America’s great presidents, in the same class as Washington and Lincoln. My only complaint is that his ties are a tad too long.”
I, Sean Hannity, am appalled. Appalled that the leader of a hostile foreign country would say such vile things about our great president, the great Donald Trump.
Wait. Hold on. We’re just getting a tweet in from the president. I’ll read it to you:
“Because of the unprecedented harsh language uttered in Canada by Justin Sissy Boy Trudeau I am now issuing a minimal, reasonable, civil response to his detestable attack on me, your great president. I am declaring war on Canada. And, oh yeah, I’m also sending a few cruise missiles into downtown Toronto.” #NeverInsultMeEver
Hannity: Is he the greatest president ever – or what?
Let’s call in our newest Fox News contributor, Sarah Sanders, who joins the Fox family because she can be counted on to give you, my loyal audience, honest, unvarnished analysis with no holds barred and favoritism toward absolutely no one.
Sarah, what do you make of the great Donald Trump’s minimal, reasonable, civil response to Sissy Boy Trudeau?
Sanders: I think it was a minimal, reasonable, civil response to the Sissy Boy’s detestable attack on our great president. I know this president. I worked with this president. I've told lies for this president. And if he declares war on a hostile foreign place like Canada, I’m with him 10 million percent.
Hannity: That’s why Donald Trump and I hired you here at Fox, Sarah. For your honest, no holds barred, take no prisoners, Katie bar the door analysis.
I know what my loyal audience wants to hear. And we make sure we give them what they want to hear. Every freaking chance we get.
See you tomorrow night, Sarah, when you’ll be back to analyze Donald Trump’s latest tweet, sent out 3 seconds ago, saying that he’s issuing an executive order mandating that his image be carved in stone on Mt. Rushmore.
I’m sure you’ll have something interesting on that one, Sarah.
Sanders: Long overdue, Sean. Should have been up there 10 years ago. At least.
Hannity: We’ll be back after this commercial break.
Editor’s Note: My next column will be up on this website next Monday morning … on how MSNBC has a fascination with Hitler … and Donald Trump