I got this from one of our readers, Rodney Page, who wrote it and posted it on the Web. Thank you, Rodney. Is this how the media will cover Mitt Romney during the campaign for the White House? Pretty funny material, so I thought I’d share it with all of you. Can’t wait for your comments.
CBS: Dan Rather discovers proof that Mitt Romney was actually in the Air Force, and was dishonorably discharged for turning over secrets to the East German government. “The whole story about the Mormon mission trip to France was a huge cover-up; I have the documents to prove it,” says Rather.
ABC: “We’ve learned that although Mitt Romney was a fan of the Cisco Kid TV series in the 1960s, as a young adult, clearly old enough to know better, Romney made ridiculing remarks regarding ‘Pancho,’ a supporting cast member. Senior Obama advisor David Plouffe issued a statement claiming ‘this is further evidence that Mitt Romney hates Hispanics and has hated them for over 50 years.’”
Joy Behar, The View: “David Axlerod was sent on a super-secret mission to Israel. He discovered undeniable evidence at an archeological dig that proves Obama is 1/32 Jewish. I knew it, I just knew it.”
Huffington Post: “Leroy Romney (supposedly no relation to Mitt) is accused of feeding unhealthy, preservative-laden dog food to his fox terrier. PETA charges that Ancestry.com destroyed proof Mitt and Leroy are related. You know, a clear pattern of animal cruelty is evolving here.”
MSNBC: “Romney’s war on women escalates; Mitt bars wife Ann from joining the Screen Actors Guild. The NLRB is investigating Romney campaign’s unfair labor tactics indicating Ms. Romney’s introductions of her husband at campaign events are clearly performances and should be included in the Guild’s collective bargaining agreement.”
NYT: “Obama announces new entitlement: unionized federal government workers to receive counseling; the possibility of having to actually work for a living under a Romney administration traumatizes thousands.”
Washington Post: “Obama’s Justice Department launches investigation of Shrine clubs nationwide, and Eric Holder, Attorney General, says that Americans wearing fezzes are clearly disrespectful to Muslims. And, there are conflicting reports that a close Romney aide, possibly a family gardener, is a member of a Boston Shrine club. Other sources tell us the Romney confidante is a plasterer who worked on remodeling Romney’s rambling, sumptuous mansion and attached stables and other luxuriously decorated out buildings on the multi-acre property adjoining both a lake and river…in the 1990s.”
CNN FLASH: “We’ve just been informed that at the age of ten, Mitt Romney fired a rifle of unknown caliber at a squirrel on the family’s lavish estate. Our source tells us the squirrel was uninjured, but Romney was heard to say, ‘I almost got him.’ We’ll keep you up to date on this breaking story.”
LA Times: “A very revealing story has been uncovered by one of our reporters casually reviewing microfiche of 1919 newspaper stories. Mitt Romney’s grandfather apparently was quite upset when his application to a social men’s club was denied and is quoted as saying he had been ‘black-balled’ by a former business partner. It appears roots of the Romney family’s sexism and racism go way back.”
Copyright © 2014 BernardGoldberg.com