The Secrets They Don't Want You to Know About Hollywood — Part 2

The real story behind the film "Bonnie and Clyde."

We recently posted a column in this space that ran under the headline, “The Secrets They Don’t Want You to Know About Hollywood.”

It was not the usual column — this one wasn’t about politics or the media or the culture. This one was an escape from the daily barrage of bad news that divides us into red and blue camps.

After a talk with an old friend from our days at CBS News, Josh Howard, a producer, we decided to write about Hollywood — but unlike everything else that’s been written about the movie business, we figured it would be a good idea to write something that doesn’t have anything in it that’s true.

In that column I wrote that, "Not a single syllable in what you’re about to read would survive a fact check. It’s all made up, stuff designed to reach one goal: To put a smile on your face … and if we’re lucky, to make you laugh.'

We ran ten big-name movies and made up a new (funny, we hoped) storyline for each movie. I said that column would be a one-off, but we got a lot of good reaction … so we’re back with ten new ones.

After you go through the list, please send in your entries — as long as they’re funny.

Be assured that my next column won’t be anything like this. But if you smiled or laughed, I’ll consider this one, like the last one, a success.

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The Sound of Music

The original title was “The Sound of Mucus” — a story about a guy with a bad case of post-nasal drip.

Bonnie and Clyde

A romantic movie about a mixed marriage between Bonnie Esposito and Clyde Goldberg.

Dances With Wolves

Mr. and Mrs. Wolf take Samba lessons.

Tootsie

Little known Hollywood fact: Dustin Hoffman narrowly beat out Mr. T for the role.

Deliverance

A FedEx driver travels to a small town in Appalachia to take banjo lessons. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

8½

The never before told true story behind Fellini’s classic film 8½: It was originally supposed to be 9 — but they cut the budget.

The China Syndrome

Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas are reporters who go undercover at a Szechuan restaurant in San Francisco to figure out … why if there’s a column A and a column B, there’s no column C?

Snakes on a Plane

A movie about the travels of a group of divorce lawyers.

Last Tango in Paris

Producers wanted to make a movie called “Last Cha-Cha in Chicago.” One tiny problem: Marlon Brando couldn’t Cha-Cha so they changed it to “Last Tango in Toledo” — a blockbuster hit. In Ohio.

Dr. Strangelove

Originally titled “Dr. Strange Glove”  — a film about a proctologist who specializes in doing digital exams. What makes him strange is that the glove he uses is a catcher’s mitt.

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Now the ball’s in your court. I look forward to reading your entries. Many thanks.

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